Tragedy struck Eugene this past weekend when UO senior, Bryan Adams, wore Chubbies to his frat’s party on Saturday, blinding another students with the whiteness of his thighs.
Bryan, in hysterics after the incident, stated “I just wanted to rage and look fly as fuck in my outfit, I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone!”
Bryan spent most of the party inside, but it wasn’t until he needed to “crack open a cold one with the boys” that things turned for the worst.
“Dude’s creamy white thighs reflected the sun light in a bright flash all at once,” said Adam’s fraternity brother Jimmy Skies. “This girl Chelsea got the worst of it though. She just kept holding her eyes and yelling about how much she always hated Chubbies.”
“At first I thought the light was the flash of a camera,” said Chelsea Leech, the victim in question. “So I turned to give my best selfie face, and I haven’t been able to see anything since.”
It is still unclear whether the victim’s condition is temporary or not, but doctors say the silver lining was, “at least she will probably get out of finals.”
Bryan seems to have learned his lesson from the incident. “I can’t just go flashing these Wonder Bread legs everywhere, I have to be more careful and maybe try going to a tanning bed before I pull my Chubbies out for the season.”
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