The fall semester is almost over at Oregon, meaning the finals are here. While most students can be found in the EMU studying, one abnormal psychology class can rest easy for their final. Bill Connelly, a senior psychology major, has resolved that both he and the rest of his class will receive A’s on their abnormal psychology final through a drinking contest with his professor.
“I was doing roll call, and when I got to Bill he wouldn’t answer because he was too busy talking about how he could out-drink his entire fraternity. I told him in no uncertain terms that unless drinking Natty Lights is somehow going to help him pass the class, then he should turn his alcoholic ass around.” Professor Michael Jones, who teaches the class, noted.
Other students in the class reported that after Professor Jones scolded him, Connelly stood up in class and challenged the professor to a drink-off.
“It escalated pretty quickly, I’m pretty sure Bill was still drunk from last night when he made the challenge.” said Geoff Bentley, a fellow classmate of Bill’s, about the confrontation.
If Connelly won, Professor Jones would be forced to award him an A. The professor claimed that he would happily give the entire class an A if Connelly could outdrink him. That night, the entire class convened at Taylor’s to watch the events unfold. Hank Fields, a music major and friend of Bill’s, described the atmosphere as “so tense not even Nelson Mandela could bring peace.”
“Everything was going fine until about the fifth round, when we lined up five Jager shots. That’s when the professor fell over and slammed face first into the floor,” reported Leslie Jenkins, a bartender at Taylor’s, and moderator of the contest.
The Black Sheep caught up with Connelly, who issued the following statement; “I didn’t believe that he would actually take me up on the offer. I’m just glad I challenged him to something I know God has given me a talent for.”
True to his word, Professor Jones has kept his promise of granting the entire the class an A for the final, but when asked if there was going to be a repeat event next semester, Jones, with sunglasses and an ice pack on his face, responded,
“Unless God tells me, then, no. They’re just going to have to take the final.”