With Penn State’s Dance Marathon fast approaching, students are preparing their Sharpies to explain their “Why I THON” hands. The Black Sheep is here to share a more honest look at these cheesy, inspirational quotes that have high potential to give you ink poisoning.
Why I THON…
7.) To secure “The Line Dance” to be my wedding song:
While you were on the BJC THON floor saving lives from cancer, the love of your life saved you from forever aloneness – how coincidental. It was love at first matching fanny packs, d’awwww. Maybe it was the sleep depravation in their eyes or their non-showered body that made you realize that your entire future lies within them. Your song will inevitably be “The Line Dance”.
6.) For my resume:
You’ve always aimed for your resume to be as crisp as overcooked bacon since recruiters at Penn State expect you to have 30 years of experience in your 21-year life. Nothing else shouts “leadership” quite like taking on a role to kick cancer in the butthole. We all know that you’ll over exaggerate in your interview at Penn State’s Career Services Center, so might as well at least have a little bit of credibility to your name.
5.) For new sneakers:
Your mom thought the new Ultra Boost was an unreasonable purchase… well up until you had a reason to buy them other than “mom they’re like mega hip.” $140 transferred to your bank account later and THON to thank, you hit up the BJC for your first time only to realize that these shoes are really light but have zero support.
4.) To play with toys, duh:
THON is the only time in college that coloring books are praised over textbooks. Dancing for 46 hours can’t be that difficult with a Rubix Cube in one hand, can it? It’s not too often where you feel like you’re five years old on Christmas day again. Don’t let anyone take this magical moment away from you – steal the water gun away from a Four Diamond Family child.
3.) For “real” friends:
Penn State sororities and fraternities were always too mainstream for you. Instead, you make it a point to show the world you’re more of a THON organization / committee breed of person. You definitely will make “real” friends this way, until post-THON when no one answers you in the GroupMe.
2.) For the basic bitch THON hoodie:
The winters at Penn State are obviously brutal, and you’re sick of only having your high school sports team’s raggedy sweatshirt to wear to both bed and class. The THON hoodie saved you from your limited wardrobe. FTH – For The Hoodie!!
1.) To test what my body can handle:
Your body has prepared itself throughout college for this moment. You’ve been run over by Penn State bicyclists twice in the past year and had panic attacks every week over exams. Standing on your feet for 46 hours ain’t nothing compared to pledging bro.
The Black Sheep hopes you enjoyed being called out for the real reasons why you THON, and we are looking forward to liking your hand selfie on Instagram.
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