7 Ways Penn State Students Avoid Studying for Midterms
It seems like yesterday it was syllabus season, the time of year to claim your seat in class by a potential bae. Somehow, it’s already midterm season and bae is now sitting on the opposite side of the classroom, avoiding your pathetic attempts at small talk. While this may be one of your only distractions while in class, The Black Sheep is here to assure you, that you are in fact a certified idiot outside of the classroom, too. Need proof? Well, here are seven examples of real life you, avoiding midterm studying.
7.) Going to the farmers market Downtown:
As if you need two cacti and an African Horn melon. Unless you plan on making homemade pens out of the stems of the four sunflowers you just purchased, you’re just crying out for a boost of self-motivation. The aesthetics of the farmers market make you momentarily forget that you have more responsibilities than the farmers market workers, whose prime goal in life is to shove fresh bananas down college students’ throats.
6.) “Study Vibes” Spotify playlist in Paterno:
If music isn’t going to enlighten the ears, then how is studying going to enlighten the brain, especially when the girl next to you in Paterno Library won’t stop tapping her pencil on the desk? You must make a whole new Spotify playlist, because your 7 other “study playlists” you made last week are already too overplayed.
5.) Standing in line literally anywhere at the Hub:
It’s not like Penn State is a big campus with tons of places to eat or get coffee or anything, and you need to swipe that LionCash somewhere. This step is vital for any student’s success. There’s zero chance of survival without a Hub Starbucks frappe latte crema mocha espresso.
4.) Facebook videos in your dorm:
You’re in your East Halls dorm convinced you will get shit done because your desk is organized for the first time in 2 weeks. Bitch, you thought. One second you’re clicking to briefly check out your 1 Facebook notification, and the next you’re in your bed 24 videos deep of cats in costumes licking milk out of a bowl. Now you’re hungry for cereal.
3.) Trying to find an outlet to study in Penn State library:
Because there is absolutely no chance you can start studying without finding an outlet when your laptop is at 60 percent. You tell yourself you have a responsible personality, making you capable of “thinking ahead.” THAT’S why you’re having a scavenger hunt for two hours, yourself vs. the library. You continue hunting for a needle in a haystack, despite knowing that finding an outlet in Paterno is like finding a hymen in a whorehouse.
2.) Picking at your face:
You swear these pimples are forming solely from this little thing called stress. Definitely has nothing to do with your oily hands rubbing your forehead every time you flip to the next page in your 75-page Nittany Notes study guide.
1.) Calling your mom in The Stacks:
“Hey mom, I realize this is the eighth time I’ve called you today, but I just had to tell you that a squirrel ran past my window outside the library and it reminded me of Russel our labradoodle. Can you tell Russel hi?”