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If The Bachelor Contestants Rushed PSU Sororities

Season 22 of The Bachelor, Arie meets 30 women who claim to be “wifey material.” For the next few months, he will be living life oh so naturally: getting with vast amounts of women, having them chase him, and putting his “pillow lips” to the test. Sounds pretty much like college doesn’t it? (just replacing limos and lobster with the CATA bus and Canyon). The Black Sheep realizes that many of the most memorable women thus far would fit into Penn State’s Greek life without a problem, so we (not so) graciously matched up which PSU sorority would give these women a rose.

Chelsea: Kappa DeltaNo doubt that this overly assertive gal would be a sister in Kappa Delta at Penn State. Chelsea’s “I don’t give two shits because he is my man” approach not only wins her the first impression rose from Arie but would win her a bid from the popularity jackpot within Penn State’s Kappa Delta chapter. Her bold, aggressive moves on the show intimidate some of the girls, while others aren’t afraid to admit that a little something needs to be shoved up her cocky-mouth. McClanahan’s sells bad-mouth medication, aka soap. This girl will never find love in a hopeless place until she finds Dove in a soapless place.

Bekah M: Kappa Kappa Gamma

Plot twist: at the end of Grease, Rizzo actually IS pregnant and gives birth to Bekah M. Both bold and spunky, The Bachelor contestant and 1978 film character would easily be in Kappa Kappa Gamma at Penn State. Bekah’s guilty pleasure would most likely be the vibes and milkshakes at Baby’s restaurant downtown State College. Baby’s is also Kappa’s favorite pass time, other than dancing on tables in frat row. Bekah M.’s age remains a mystery, but she’s obviously the youngest on the show, predictions state 22. If she ever got initiated into Kappa Kappa Gamma, one of her first sisterhood bonding events could be to get some counseling from The Willard Preacher, in an effort to reveal why she’s going after the 36-year-old Arie.

Annaliese: ThetaPublically crying over getting your heart broken is similar to the attention you’ll receive by throwing a temper tantrum on national television two consecutive weeks in a row. First, over an irrational fear of bumper cars and then, over Chihuahuas. With a sorority that’d consider all of these circumstances “normal,” Annaliese would be spotted in Theta at Penn State. Tall, lush hair and overly dramatic, it’s a perfect match. Her bumper car and small dog trauma will unfold in Theta’s bonding nights in South Halls. As tears gradually drip down her face, Annaliese’s sisters will be right there to guide her through this serious matter.

Krystal: Alpha PhiWeek one, and Arie already takes her home to mom and pops. What got her there? Well, her graceful poise, contagious “perfect” energy, and charismatic (*cough cough* forced) smile, of course! If this doesn’t sound like Penn State Alpha Phi, then our student body doesn’t actually bleed blue and white. Krystal’s vague description of her date with Arie to the other girls in the house is pretty dang shady. Manipulative sweethearts, what a dangerous breed.

At least these women have a solid back-up plan if they get dumped by Arie early on: come rush Penn State’s Greek life.

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