Student Panicking Because Not Sure If Able to Top Last Year’s Halloween Costume

author-pic at Penn State University  

With the turn of the season, many students are finally beginning to feel comfortable with their new schedules of classes, work, and extracurricular activities. One student, however, has felt anything but calm. While many are enjoying their pumpkin spice lattes and the sight of leaves changing color, junior Makayla Brown has entered into an all-encompassing panic at the fear of not being able to outdo her Halloween costume from the year before. 

While Makayla Brown already has plenty on her plate, majoring in neuroscience, marine biology, constitutional democracy, and everything under the sun, Brown can’t seem to find anything that takes priority over finding the perfect outfit for October 31st.

“Last year, I was a knockout, and that’s me being modest,” Brown recalled as she flipped through pages of the Halloween USA catalog. “At this time of last year, I already knew what I was going to be. Hell, I’m pretty sure I knew in June. Now look at me! Where am I ever going to find a costume that tops Jabba the Hutt dressed in John Travola’s iconic Saturday Night Fever attire?!”

Brown reportedly made her last Halloween costume from scratch, so as to not show up to the same party in matching costumes as another individual.

“Do you know how embarrassing that’d be?” Brown exclaimed. “At this point I’m going to show up to a Halloween party dressed up just like every other girl in this town! Every year it’s just a million girls dressed up like Alfred Hitchcock.” Brown scoffed. “How original.”

A few of Brown’s closest friends recalled last Halloween and Makayla’s great success.

“Yeah, I didn’t know what she was until she told me like, 5 times,” Jason Baxter recalled. “Granted, I had a few pumpkin Jell-O shots in me, but all she was wearing was a green sleeping bag with a face drawn on with Sharpie and a sweater vest from the 60s. She looked like a literal bookworm.”

While many college students’ favorite holiday is almost here, it is bringing nothing but turmoil into Ms. Brown’s stress-filled life.

“What—where is my other lime green fingerless glove!” Brown yelled as she dug through her closet. “I could chew up a bunch of Bubble Yum and use it as my limbs and be the mom from The Incredibles, or I could tear out these floorboards and superglue them to my back and be Rosebud from Citizen Kane! Think Makayla, think!”

After an attempt to sooth Brown with a bowl of candy corn, one of our reporters recommended that she go as a Sexy Cat, where he was then dropkicked off the premises.

It’s homecoming season, so get ready for some old dudes to buy you some beer.