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6 Pitt Drinking Games to Motivate You to Study for Once

It’s the time of year where you are starting to spend more time calculating your final grade and less time studying. You spend more time staring at the hot TA than taking notes (because you know you’re screwed). You spend more time curled up in a ball in your bed and burning your tongue on hot pockets because it’s the midterm-self-loathing-post-exam-season. Forget cuffing season, you need to cuff your limbs to various fifths of alcohol. So, here are some studying drinking games to show you the right way students at Pitt study.

6.) Beer shower with notes on waterproof paper:
Yes it exists. Yes you can even spill beer on it. Is it cheap? No. But, you could just tape your notes to the ceiling and shower and drink all at once. Think of how smart, clean and drunk you could get. Just don’t slip and die, nobody wants that. You have to save dying for when you get hit by a Pitt bus and they pay for your tuition. But put your porter with pharmacokinetics, put your lager with lit class, put your IPA with your interprofessional ethics. Extra points if you study the Pitt victory song too because nobody knows it, it might be a bonus question, and Paddy G. might morph into lizard man and make you sing it.

5.) Flashcard shots:
This is simple and effective. You obviously don’t improve the more you get right here, so watch out. This is recommended for those who can hold their liquor down and those not in dorms, the Pitt police used this in a “don’t do drugs kids, consent is sexy” video as an example and even the officer actors barfed. So if you’re trying to develop an aversion to a certain fifth, this is your game. Bonus points if you end up in Presby and learn more about the medical system all you pre-meds are supposed to be going into.

4.) Shotgun study every floor of Cathy:
Every page of notes you ride Cathy to a different floor (on the futuristic elevators) and study that page then shotgun a beer. At the top you have to get the Peregrine falcons to do a shot with you (check them out, they’re cool, Google it you bum).

3.) Encase your notes in alcoholic Jell-O shots:
Yeah, like Jim did in The Office. The south O fav Jell-O shots aren’t just for being lit, they’re for acing it. Each bite memorize a fact. The flavor will trigger your memory, so be sure to be eating Jell-O in chevron 152 when you take your chem exam and you think oxygen tastes like lime Jell-O and strawberry lemonade Svedka.

2.) Put your notes in your South O bottle graveyard in the form of an origami ship (ship in a bottle):
Then promptly fill it up with Vlad. Then chug it, swallow the paper, then you’ll know everything on the paper. This is similar to sleeping on your textbooks, except more liquor-oriented. Or do it with water if you’re a wussy-sheeple.

1.) Every touchdown Pitt gets scored on them, drop a class and take a shot:
This is for the hardcore, only goes here for the lolz Pitt students. You’ll mess up your life hardcore, but forget studying, no responsibilities means a ton of parties. It’s gonna be lit bruh.

Well, if you aren’t drunk reading this, then you did something wrong. The best strategy is honestly to binge-read our articles and go wild with your friends, or do the same things with your notes, we don’t care. We should be studying anyway.

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