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Creative Improvements to Your Crummy South Oakland Apartment

 

Everyone has a fixer-upper in college. Everyone needs to pimp their cribs. Everyone’s pipes freeze and leak and the AC doesn’t work, and the list goes on. But what if that rent money came back to you? What if you could have anything you wanted added to your South Oakland apartment? Well, The Black Sheep has been drawing up some plans…

 

6.) Secure Infrastructure:
Yeah, it’s not glamorous, but when you clog the toilet or you want to take a warm shower and don’t want the hot water to run out, this is what you wanna go with. Maybe sure up the walls so when some idiot punches the wall during a banger it’s his hand that breaks, not your wall. Or maybe the roof won’t collapse or your floor won’t cave in. Essentially your house will not fall apart for once.

 

5.) Another Kitchen or Bedroom:
Wanna cook more or have an extra room for your VR goggles or something? Well that can be arranged, if your landlord will stop robbing you blind for your 5 square feet of space. Your room is effectively a bed. The floor is a bed. Good luck.

 

4.) Rooftop Pool:
Yeah, there are a ton of things you’d have to do with this one. Now that we got the everyday necessities out of the way, you gotta get something to party with. You’ll be using your place in the summer a bunch when you have pool dayger after pool dayger.

 

3.) Basement Bowling Alley Bar:
The days of beer pong are gone, just add a bowling alley in the basement, complete with a bar. Everyone would be going crazy getting strikes and taking shots, and then gradually getting more and more gutter balls.

 

2.) A Huge Backyard With A Dog:
Yeah screw you landlord, we’re getting a dog and playing corn hole. We’re drinking beer and going wild. Maybe we’ll throw the football, maybe we’ll kick some soccer, but it’s gonna be fun. We’re gonna have lines and a dog and we’re gonna camp out!

 

1.) Solid Gold Toilet:
Yeah, we know you wanted a throne of your own. A place for solitude, a place, for golden silence. You may want to reinforce the infrastructure first so you don’t fall through the floor, but it’s totally worth it. And it has to be solid gold for the full effect on your toilet experience. And don’t worry, nooobody will steal the seat…

 

So no matter if you are Snoop Rocc or just a lowly adjunct professor in your hood, we can all use a little home improvement. But always remember, your landlord rules your life, rent is so expensive, and you still gotta eat, so probably you should just go to bed…

 

 

WATCH: We hit the streets of Chicago’s St. Patty’s Day Parade to see how woke people were.

 

 
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