College is a time for experimentation and finding out who we are. This, for some us, means having a lot sex in a lot of weird ways. So, we decided to give you a list of Pitt inspired sex positions that will get any proud panther student off.
6.) The In-State Tuition:
This is really just anal sex. In-state tuition is a false promise that ends up shafting you. You can probably figure out the logistics on your own. But this one is all about feeling physically what Pitt’s astronomical in-state tuition does to us mentally and emotionally.
5.) The Dean’s List:
This position is similar to your standard 69 but with a few important caveats. First, you need to withhold approval, love and sexual attention from your partner for 15 weeks, about as long as a semester lasts. Then you check your partner’s grades and if they have above a 3.5 you can go forward with your mutual oral sex. The only other important thing to note is that you both must be reading a textbook while performing the act.
4.) The Fifth Walk Sign is on to Cross Fifth:
This one is a little acrobatic, and it’s not for the faint of heart. While one partner lays on his/her stomach and mimics the shape of a walk sign (you know, the little dude who flashes white when you can cross in the crosswalk) while the other person mounts them, placing a hand firmly on their back (just like the hand on the walk sign that indicates you can’t cross) and goes to town. Occasionally shout “FIFTH WALK SIGN IS ON TO CROSS FIFTH” during the act.
3.) The South Oakland:
This one is all about being as dirty as possible. One person tries desperately to just have normal sex while the other presents them constantly with strange bills and parking tickets. Bills and parking tickets can be assessed whenever the ‘landlord’ pleases, but we encourage these fines to be imposed whenever your partner moves.
2.) The Cathedral:
We think there may already be a name for this, but we at The Black Sheep like to name things ourselves. This one is standing sex, putting the hands as high in the air as possible, to mimic the verticality of the Cathedral of Learning.
1.) The 10A:
Strap in for a bumpy ride. It’s just like normal missionary sex, but both parties try their hardest to make sure the couple bounces as much as possible on the bed. This is going to require a lot of leg and knee strength, but it will be worth it so simulate the sexual excitement of riding the 10A.