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Top 5 Ways for Pitt Students to Celebrate Pirates Opening Day

 

Friday April 7, 2017 marks the home opening game of the Pittsburgh Pirates, every Pitt student’s favorite professional baseball team, except for a team that’s actually good. As we prepare to raise the Jolly Roger or whatever the hell the Pirates dude says when they win, the campus is abuzz with an appetite for baseball and the aggressive boozing that goes along with it. Well, we’re actually just excited about the drinking. This game is just another excuse for us to put on our party hats and shotgun some IC light with our bros and hoes. Here’s the best ways to celebrate.

 

5.) Iron City Light:
It’s Pittsburgh’s signature beer so there’s no better way to celebrate the city’s most beloved team (yeah, right it’s the fucking Pirates, sure) than with a cold IC light. It’s pretty good, if you don’t mind the taste. We’d recommend a hardy serving so you completely forget there’s even a baseball game and just smash trash in the street with your drunken caveman friends.

 

4.) Punch…As Seen on TV:
There’s a special name for this concoction that appears on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (yeah we get it you’re from “outside Philly” it’s so cool, you’re so cool please be our friend). They call it “Riot Punch” and it’s simply grain alcohol and Kool Aid. We don’t recommend riots – they’re dirty, they’re illegal and honestly they expend a lot of unnecessary energy. Channel that energy into drinking instead of rioting.

 

3.) Punching a Parrot in the Beak:
Now animal cruelty isn’t fun you’re going to have to get one of your friends so drunk he’s willing to be a parrot and you can punch him in the face. Buy him his favorite 12 dollar vodka and pump him full of it so you can punch an actually fake parrot.

 

2.) Baseball:
Before you call us idiots for saying celebrate baseball with baseball, just remember it’s a very fun drinking game. The rules are a little too complicated for the hard hitting drunk reporters, sorry not-drunk reporters of The Black Sheep to outline right here. So, here’s a link on how to play. Enjoy, frat boys.

 

1.) Talk Like a Pittsburgh Pirate:
You all know “talk like a pirate day” but as Parks & Rec taught us there’s a more important pirate-themed talking holiday. It’s “talk like a Pittsburgh Pirate Day.”  What does that mean? Who the hell knows. We’d like to think it means get so drunk you start shouting about McCutchen and slurring all your “yinz.” 

 

Enjoy opening day on Friday, it’ll certainly be a day that will happen.

 

 

WATCH: How much do Chicago doggos know abut the Chicago Cubs:

 

 

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