In August, you went to Hicks to study. You tossed your books to the side, shrugged your shoulders, thought, “meh, I’ll just do it later,” and plugged in your headphones to binge Phineas and Ferb on the kids’ section of Netflix. You never liked that show when you were the appropriate age to watch it, but f**k it, you had time to kill. You look down for thirty minutes, and when you looked back up, you realize it’s been three months.
Here are 10 realizations you’re having right now:
10.) Drinking 12 cans of Red Bull to help you study through the night is a real dumbass move:
After the first three cans you’re like, “YEAH LET’S GO I FRIGGIN’ LOVE SCIENCE!” but after a couple hours of trying to keep your vibrating eyes steady enough to finish the first page of your textbook, you just want more energy drinks. After physically traumatizing your internal organs with 9 more cans of liquid self-hatred, you eventually crash at 6:30 a.m. and sleep until midnight the next day, realizing you’ve accomplished nothing.
9.) You’ve already used all — if not more — of your skips:
Your first class on Wednesday is an 11:30. It’s cute that last semester you thought scheduling classes later would actually compel you to wake up on time, but you’re a new person now. You’re not waking up until 3 p.m. unless the building is on fire. Probably not even then.
8.) Your blind optimism has really screwed you over:
You kept telling yourself, “I’ll get ‘em next time!” You really were convinced you’d make up for it on the next exam. This helped you feel better until now, when you realized you’ve failed 4 out of 6 exams. On the bright side, you’ll show those exams who’s boss when you retake the class next semester, right?
7.) Mid-day naps are not the move:
Sleeping off the stress is a great idea, unless the thing that’s causing you stress is sleeping through most of your classes. During the night, you’re wide awake due to all the sleeping you do throughout the day. At this point, you’re not even napping — you’re just flat-out nocturnal.
6.) For Adderall to be effective, you actually have to want to do school work:
Sure, the Eiffel Tower you carved out of a parmesan cheese block you found in the back of your fridge is impressive and all, but you should have been spending the last three hours on the tower of homework that’s due on Blackboard in an hour instead. Way to go, ace.
5.) You have 3126 unread emails:
At first, you justified the growing numbers of unread messages in your inbox by telling yourself most of it was Cisco Quarantine spam. When you finally go in to check what you’ve missed for the past few months of not checking, you see you’ve missed four group meetings, an email from a professor reminding you about an essay you forgot to turn in, and an email from the company you applied to for a summer internship requesting an interview. Looks like there’s nothing you can do about it now.
4.) Office hours exist for a reason:
When you were scrolling through serial killer threads on Reddit in class, you might not have noticed your professor make direct eye contact with you when she said “My office hours are in ME on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Please, for the love of god, come through.” In hindsight, you should’ve taken her advice.
3.) You still don’t know your professor’s name:
After proof reading and perfecting an email requesting extra credit from a professor whose class you attended a grand total of seven times this semester, you realize you don’t know what to type into the recipient line. You pull up your syllabus and think, “Wow, he struck me as more of a Smith,” before sending your message off to [email protected]
2.) You probably should have gone to that class that doesn’t take attendance:
The entire first week of class, you were convinced you’d never miss any this semester, even for that giant lecture in Class of 1950. The second week, you forgot to show up one day, and realized missing class wasn’t all that bad. Come three months later, and you’re finding out you have an exam in 5 minutes from a friend in the Starbucks line who had taken it earlier. Maybe if you’d been going to class, you would have known that.
1.) If you ignore the problem, it does not go away… Or does it?:
“You can’t fail a class if you never show up!” You tell yourself. This would technically be true if you hadn’t signed up for the class in the first place. Luckily, you will definitely have that option when you fail out of the ‘Due next semester. Pat yourself on the back, kid. Despite what anyone else says, you’re making things happen without ever actually doing anything.