GPA in the toilet? Feeling like you’ll need a couple victory laps before you graduate? No need to study for this round of exams! Boost that sad, sad GPA with these no-brainers.
5.) Learning to sleep literally anytime and anywhere around Purdue:
Juggling exams, assignments, and a job makes you quite the busy body. Before college, you had a beautiful little sleep schedule. Less than 8 hours a night? No thanks. Yet now, here you are, a full-fledged adult struggling to cram your to-do list into your day. Sleep is not always a priority, so you make do. Everything looks somewhat comfy when you’re more tired than a Drunkdonald’s employee working the Friday evening shift. The Union’s couches work well, but you’ve been seen snoring in some wild places; Wetherill’s weird elevated lawn, in between stops on the sloop, even waiting in line for a den pop.
4.) Being flexible as f*ck with Indiana’s weather:
We haven’t quite figured out what powers must be at work hitting the shuffle button to decide West Lafayette’s weather. Sun one day, and like, hellfire the next? How about this nuclear winter we’re just now recovering from? We weren’t feeling snow in February, let alone in April. After all, no one looks cute while being bombarded with hail balls. We Boilermakers have survived, and we’re ready for some much-deserved sun. Props to you though, for packing a whole wardrobe at times to stay toasty or cool.
3.) Avoiding eye contact with campus preachers:
Are you going to Hell? Are you not? Honestly, you’d rather not know. It’s far too early in the morning for this, and you’ve got shit to do. After Grand Prix did you so dirty, you’re behind on essays and studying anyway. The last thing you want is yet another Hoosier Conservative telling you about the dangers of, um, HAVING A GOOD TIME. You’ve got this though — just look down at your phone and open literally anything (you know they fear technology). It works every time, and it’s your most ruthless finishing move. But, don’t worry about using it on Preacher Josh. He just seems to, um… stare?
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2.) Knowing all the Purdue athletics drama but being unaware of any world news:
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting in lecture, the professor mentions a foreign country and you realize you have no idea where it is. When’s the last time you watched the news? Read a paper that’s not Buzzfeed? Not for a while, but that’s fine. You might as well have a PhD in Boilermaker tea™. You’ve got all the receipts; who said what, who did what, and who did who. Be it through social media or through actually being social, you have your ways of finding everything out. Nancy Drew could never.
1.) Going to Cactus every Thursday despite your 7:30 lab:
No one is more committed. Thirsty Thursday nights are yours to get your people together and forget the entire week. That exam? That group presentation? That last Tinder date? Yeah, all gone after a few drinks. BUT! You’re not about to skip lab. It’s the one thing keeping your grade from dropping too low to pick up. Sleep? Haven’t seen her. Even if it means clocking out for a mere half hour, your ass is going to be in a squeaky stool doing some titration at 7:30 a.m. like the champion you are.
Even if your actual exams seem impossible, at least you know you’re good at something! It takes determination to do what you do! You’ll be fine, and if not, Cs get degrees.
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