You guys like ASMR? Ya know, like, those obscure YouTube and Instagram videos where people tap on the microphone and cut soap that you secretly like, but can’t tell anyone about for fear of being ostracized from society. Get comfy, put some headphones in and tune in to these sensational Purdue sounds that will certainly give you the ASMR tinglies.
5.) The sweet, sweet sounds of Daddy Daniels tooting the horn on the Boilermaker Express:
Nothing says “good morning” on gameday like the soothing sounds of a violently pulled train whistle by the strong, comforting arms of Daddy Daniels.
4.) A very soothing rustling of bikes being shoved into non-consenting trees:
The leaves shuffling back and forth in the crisp Indiana breeze, the silent screech of bike tires who are afraid of heights and the empty wallets of students who are simply too poor to afford a bike lock.
3.) Comforting sobs of a failing engineer purposefully walking under the Bell Tower:
Shoes slowly crunching on the leaves topping the cement under the tower. Stop pretending a curse is keeping you from graduating when in reality you’re failing 12 classes just like the rest of us poor depressed fools.
2.) Lulling coitus of rabid squirrels:
Two little squirrels sitting in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G!
1.) Pacifying sneezing of 40,000 sick students:
No one is safe from the utter mayhem brought on by the Purdue plague, but at least we can enjoy the calming mucus sounds of our fallen comrades. Bless you.
Whoever said college isn’t relaxing has obviously never visited Purdue, a.k.a. the internet’s 39th most satisfying Indiana based University. IU is number 40.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.