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5 Things to Do at Purdue University Before the Cold Kills Us All

In these frigid times, we ask you to consider your motivations for attending a college in the sad, cold, tundra of the Midwest during the months of November through February (and sometimes March, if we really piss off the universe). Here are 5 things to do at Purdue before a snowdrift swallows you whole.


5.) Literally just go home:

But really – if you’re from California, Florida, Texas, or anywhere that is generally more pleasant than West Lafayette in the winter months, please consider asking yourself – why the hell are you here? Most of you have probably seen, like, 12 snowflakes in your entire existence. Do yourself a favor and go back to soak up copious amounts of vitamin D and using weird warm-weather lingo that no one here seems to understand. We’ll miss you, but at least we can part ways knowing you’re not sitting under the Math Building frozen solid.


4.) Buy some warm clothes:

If you decide against the above suggestion, or if going home for you means driving to a place equally as cold and miserable, you should probably prepare yourself for the ass-kicking that West Lafayette’s weather is going to hand you in the next couple of months. Since Purdue can never seem to heat or cool their buildings to an optimal temperature, we’d recommend wearing multiple layers, so that you can take off your long sleeves in lecture and put them back on when you decide to step back into the Arctic.


3.) Run (or ride) around campus:  

If you’re the athletic type, we can promise you that when it starts snowing, you won’t be able to walk (or run) up or down any inclined surface on campus without sliding on your ass all the way to Mexico (and don’t even think about trying to make it up Slater). So, if you really hate treadmills, and running laps around the Corec track makes you dizzy just thinking about it, you should probably get your jogs in while you can. If you’re not the athletic type, maybe ride the Boilermaker Special, just for shits and giggles, because that bell gets a lot more annoying a lot more quickly with wind whipping your face and icicles forming on your eyelashes.


2.) Get used to never having a class cancelled:

One of the only things that college students in the Midwest have look forward to in the winter is class cancellations. Unfortunately, Purdue kids don’t have that luxury. Did 6 feet of snow accumulate overnight, leaving you trapped in your residence hall? Better be ready to make the trek to your 7:30 physics lab. Is Purdue’s entire campus an unnavigable ice rink? Skate your way to psychology, honey. The West Lafayette campus as a whole has only had 6 snow days in the last 30 years, so, while we wish you luck, trust us when we say that your odds aren’t.


 1.) Visit the Silver Dipper :

When it’s cold outside, popular meal choices include chili, soup, coffee, and alcohol. Ice cream just doesn’t make that cut. So, satisfy your craving before your suggestion, “Let’s go get ice cream!” is met with laughter and a snowball to the face. We recommend the caffeinated ice cream in the spirit of finals, that comes in Cooky Mint, Heaps of Gold, Iced Latte-Da, and Peanut Butta.

You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?

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