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The 7 Stupidest Purdue Resources Nobody Uses

If you have a problem, unless it’s something important and pertinent to your academic success, Purdue has a solution. With so many abundant resources available to students on campus, there are bound to be rejects – and here they are, in all their sad, neglected glory.

7.) The CoRec:

Let’s be real — they basically just put the CoRec there so that if anyone asks questions, Purdue can say, “Yeah! We encourage our students to live a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle,” knowing full well that the amount of homework they shove down our throats would never allow us the free time to even leave our dorms, let alone walk through the CoRec’s glistening doors.

 

6.) The Bike Lanes:

When was the last time you saw anyone using a bike lane the way it’s supposed to be used? They say all’s fair in love and war, but whoever said that never heard of the Purdue biking system, where not even the women and children are safe from rogue motorized longboards.

5.) PUSH:

Those who have been seen within the four walls of Purdue’s Student Health Center have never been seen in the outside world again – or, maybe they have, but they definitely haven’t been seen with an accurate diagnosis. Going to PUSH for your medical care means coming in with a fever and the sniffles and leaving with a swift slap on the ass and what they told you was a broken leg.

 

4.) PAL 3.0:

When every single homework assignment at Purdue requires either Microsoft Word, Blackboard, WebAssign, or LONCAPA, who needs a working Wi-Fi signal? Not us! Our parents pay for our phones for a reason – duh. Scrolling through homework sites on a phone screen the size of a small wallet just offers an extra challenge that we’re totally up for.

 

3.) Parking Spaces:

Parking around campus is an all-around nightmare. Has anyone ever actually met another person with an “A” or “C” pass? We don’t know who’s parked in the parking spaces around campus, but it sure as hell isn’t Purdue students.

 

2.) CAPS:

If you’re feeling stressed about classes or having trouble adjusting to new aspects of college life, have no fear! Here’s 12 more homework assignments, a 17-page paper due tomorrow, and – oh! – sign this form that allows us to harvest your left kidney. Who needs counseling when you have so many things to keep you occupied?

 

1.) The CCO:

Do you honestly think we’re gonna walk all the way to Young Hall just so a lady with a fancy title can tell us stuff about our careers that we already know? Our resume is written in Comic Sans, and if the HR guy conducting our interview asks us to tell him about ourselves, we’ll just whip out a Ghandi quote and mic drop our way out of the interview space. That’ll show em’.

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