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8 Signs A Purdue Freshman Won’t, In Fact, Graduate With That Engineering Degree

The leaves are turning red, the sorority girls are whipping out their Ugg boots and oversized sweaters, and every first year engineering student is frantically refreshing their grades on Blackboard in irreparable despair before swiftly typing “Purdue’s highest paying non-engineering degrees” in the Google search bar. You may have reassured yourself on countless occasions that you’ll eventually get a handle on life in the engineering program, but we beg to differ. Here are some signs you’re doomed:


8.) Everything is fine!:

You continue to assure yourself you’ll be ok even though you’ve failed every engineering exam in the seven weeks you’ve been here. The classic “I’ll do better on the next exam” line is officially starting to lose its luster. You try to remain optimistic, but engineering is hard, and your grades on Blackboard show it.


7.) In every conversation, you find a way to mention your high school AP courses:

This one is a classic technique that many failing engineers use to make themselves feel better about their crumbling GPAs. This may go something like, “Oh, hey. I’m super sorry your grandma passed away. My grandma died last year but I barely had time to think about it between AP Chem and AP Calculus III.”

Sound familiar?


6.) You missed a class… Even just one:

Overcome by the Purdue plague, you make the mistake of missing a day of classes instead of puking in your backpack in the back of lecture while half-heartedly jotting down notes. On the day you missed, your professors thoroughly explained the origin of the universe and all human knowledge of physics since the beginning of time. This information will all be on the next exam. Good luck!


5.) You spend more time crying than studying:

You don’t know how to take an L because you’ve never had to before. The harsh reality of college has whipped you into a consistent cycle of failure, where survival of the fittest means you either adjust or “die trying.” This looks a lot like sobbing about your most recent single-digit exam score in the corner of WALC without ever actually cracking open a book to prevent history from repeating itself.


4.) When you ask your advisor if there’s any hope for you to stay in engineering, she looks at you like you just walked under the Bell Tower:

She knows just as well as you do that it’s not gonna work out for you. She might even whip out a pamphlet on all the other majors Purdue offers and emphasize how great the art education program is. Because, you know, at this point that looks way more up your alley.


3.) You forget why you took your ADD meds:

You pop a couple of Addys thinking you’re getting ready to knock out your WebAssign. In the next four hours, you’ve scrubbed the dirt off your walls with a toothbrush, learned to play “Love the Way You Lie” on the trombone, and built the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks you found in your cabinet. Your assignment is just as incomplete as ever, but hey, at least you were kind of productive, right?


2.) You get more than 5 hours of sleep a night:

If this is the case for you, then you’re definitely not spending enough time on your studies. Even one hour is too much sleep if you have any hope of becoming an engineer. After all, this is Purdue. If you wanted things easy, you could have applied to the University of Phoenix Online.


1.) You’ve had even one beer this semester:

You get a pit in your stomach as you drink it. You may think, c’mon, I’m in college! Why not? But another voice in your head is much louder. It’s your mom, screaming at you for forgetting why you came here. If you have any fun at all in college, you’re done for. The memory of you drinking that whole entire can of Natty Light is gonna replay in your head like a broken record next time you see your 30% exam score.

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