Very Hungover Boilermaker TOTALLY Remembers Purdue’s Narrow Victory Over Vermont

author-pic at Purdue University  

Following yesterday’s 80-70 victory over Vermont, very hungover sophomore Terry Greymartin “totally remembers” the game.

“Caleb Swanigan was in the game, definitely,” Greymartin whispered, sipping delicately from his Nalgene bottle. “I remember, he got the ball on the wing and was driving and then Todd asked me to do another shot of Fireball with him. Can’t believe we…actually, can you hold on a second?”


A few taps on his cellphone later, the sophomore continued, “we won, just like I said.”

Many who watched the game with Greymartin question the veracity of his memory.

“Dude played pong the entire second half, man,” roommate Reggie Tramark scoffed, “he’d shout about scoring a cup at like, the least opportune time. It made it really hard to watch the game. Well, that and the 15 beers.”

Though the game was competitive throughout, Purdue pulled away late in the second half, sealing Vermont’s fate.

“Listen, they had their chances,” Greymartin said, “they play 2 20-minute halves, and each team is allocated the same amount of time outs, especially in this game. These are facts and no one disputes this. And because of these facts, Purdue won, there’s no point in them crying over it. But, speaking of crying, can you turn the lights down, man? It’s like, really fuckin’ bright in here.”

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