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Purdue Re-Writes Fight Song To Reflect Current Season

Even after losing to Michigan this past weekend 28-10, the cocky SOBs at Ross-Ade thought our Boilermakers deserved a fight song rewrite in celebration of what could be the comeback of the century for a team that hasn’t had a winning streak since Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were still a thing. As Purdue lacks a college of music, local pledges were tasked with bringing back a fight song that was better than ever — which isn’t that hard, really, because our old one was kinda the worst. 


“So we added in some alcohol references, because like, we want people to KNOW we drink. That’s a really important part of the song. I said we should add something about hitting the JUUL in there too but Brad told me I was being soft,” says John of Sigma Delta Alpha. 


Parents, students, and professors alike are all showing their love for what will become the new musical tradition at football games. Even President Daniels is on board.


“I think this new fight song will be a really great addition to our already-strong morale this season,” says President Mitch Daniels. “With Brohm in the driver’s seat, this team has really turned itself around, and I think a fight song with some flow that doesn’t talk about pansy shit like ‘friendship’ will really take our team to the next level.”


The pledges only rewrote the chorus, because literally no one even knows the two other verses exist. The new lyrics can be found below: 


Hail, hail to old Purdue 

All hail cause now we don’t suck 

Hail, hail to old Purdue 

Let’s drink to our little streak of luck *take shot* 

Ever grateful, ever true 

Oh Brohm, he is our dude (Boiler Up!) 

Let’s all scream out “Fuck IU!” 

And hail our old Purdue 


Purdue linebacker Danny Ezechukwu claims that those who aren’t singing the new version of the song at the next game will be tackled to the ground on the spot by the entirety of Purdue’s defensive line.  


“Anyone who can’t get behind a fight song that incorporates a classic ‘Fuck IU’ is someone I can’t get behind. We won’t discriminate, either — women, children, the elderly, everyone’s fair game to get their shit rocked if they don’t belt it out in those stands.” 


For students and fans who don’t quite know the lyrics yet, they’ll be posted on the Jumbotron for their debut at the upcoming home game against Minnesota. 


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