As Grand Prix week blows full-steam ahead, Purdue students are planning to celebrate Grand Prix with the most Boilermaker pride they have by making the 2-hour drive down to Bloomington, Indiana, snorting Adderall along the way.
“I mean, yeah, Grand Prix is cool,” says Connor Hoosier, Phd (Party hard dude). “But, like, the ratio of hard drugs to hot girls is obviously way too low at Purdue. These engi-nerds really harsh my mellow, and I just gotta go party somewhere where the students literally don’t give a shit about academics.”
Purdue has been making fervent efforts to advertise Grand Prix the past few weeks to advocate its relevancy, much to the entertainment of its disbelievers and non-supporters.
“Bro, IU is the move for sure. You can only do Breakfast Club so many times. Why would I wanna dress in a cow onesie waiting in a 6-hour line at 5 a.m. when I could be snorting blow off a stripper’s ass at the most lit IU party of the year? I hear IU is like pretty famous for doing explicit acts with strippers, so that’s definitely where I’m trying to be at,” Hoosier adds.
“What the hell even is Grand Prix?” adds Hoosier’s friend Danny Guido. “I know that Purdue totally stomps IU in every single other way, but I think Purdue needs to just take the L and stop this whole Grand Prix shindig. The only people who care about the tradition of Grand Prix are like, Purdue alumni right? Old people? And they’re all probably about to die soon, so who cares?”
Grand Prix struggles to find a spot in students’ hearts for other reasons besides not being exciting enough for Boiler veterans. Many students also have a hard time balancing work and play during Grand Prix week.
“I know that Connor is super excited to go to IU for Little 5 instead because their bars are actually bigger than a shoebox. Must be nice. I have 3 group projects, a 20-page paper, 4 presentations, and 2 exams this week. I’m loading up on Adderall too, but not for the reasons that Connor is,” adds Hoosier’s girlfriend, Anna Studious.
For students who want to have mediocre fun, but not that much fun, Purdue Grand Prix festivities are the perfect choice.