Syllabooze Week at Purdue is, quite frankly, a gift from the Big Man himself. No homework, no worries, optimum drinking time for 7 whole days. And, attendance doesn’t really count until the following Monday – at least, that’s what every Boilermaker tells themselves. But, before you embark on your Sylly Week shenanigans, The Black Sheep kindly asks you to consider the pros and cons of what could be both the best and worst week of your entire semester.
Pro: It’s Syllabus Week! That generally means no homework and no responsibilities.
Con: No homework and no responsibilities? That’s cute. This is Purdue.
Pro: You can make new friends in new classes (assuming you go), and reconnect with old ones.
Con: The dickbag who forced himself into your group for last semester’s English project is in your English class this semester, too. And he seems to be under the impression that you still have the words “Fuck Me Over, Please” written on your forehead.
Pro: Darties are plentiful.
Con: Your tolerance has gone soft after 3 weeks of feigning liver virginity to your parents. You find yourself feeling like an overcooked noodle by 2p.m. on a Tuesday.
Pro: Darties don’t normally take place in dark, sketchy frat basements, so you can actually see the faces of those around you.
Con: You discover that the person you made out with before break has a head the size of Purdue Pete’s and bears an uncanny resemblance to what would be Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson’s lovechild.
Pro: More opportunities to go out = more opportunities to get laid.
Con: Week-long whiskey dick.
Pro: In your physics syllabus, you read that you only have 2 exams this semester.
Con: Those exams are each 2 multiple choice questions, and are worth 128% of your grade.
Pro: Windsor has really great hangover burritos. Famous Franks has really good hangover everything.
Con: Neither are nearly as appetizing when Stephanie from Sigma Apple Pie throws them up in the backseat of your Uber.
Pro: College feels really manageable this week.
Con: Next week, you’ll want to step in front of a Silver Loop.
Pro: A new semester means a fresh start.
Con: A new semester also means $400 in new textbooks and those stupid icebreaker activities in Every. Single. Class.
Pro: Coming back from break means that you’re once again free from rules and curfews.
Con: By the end of this week, you’ve allowed yourself a grand total of 14 hours of sleep, you can’t remember the last time you showered, and you’re pretty sure that, at some point, you may have drunkenly walked under the Bell Tower.
Pro: You’re no longer a broke college kid, thanks to Christmas.
Con: When you ask your mom for Mad Mush money next week, you’ll have to tell her you spent all that Christmas money on alcohol.
Whether you’re planning on holing up in Owen and binge-watching Shameless, heading to the Neon Cactus to get your drink on, or rolling up to a frat party to make some seriously bad decisions, carefully weigh your options before Sylly Week begins. And, from The Black Sheep to you, welcome back, Boilermakers.