October Break is here, Boilermakers. The awkward stepchild of the breaks from school, sometimes it’s difficult to pin down what exactly to do during this four-day vacation. It’s not long enough to go anywhere of consequence, but it is long enough to make you yearn for a full week away from the drudgery that is higher education. Below is some advice on how to have the trillest, carpe diem-filled October Break ever.
5.) Don’t wear pants. ever:
What’s the worst part about going to class every morning? No, not the indescribable pain of removing yourself from a warm, cozy bed. While that is a pain that every college student can relate to, by far the worst part of class is wearing pants. Balls get sweaty, we’d imagine vaginas get… uncomfortable? We don’t how vaginas react to pants, if you know shoot us an email. Anyway, to truly make the most of your October Break don’t put on pants unless it is absolutely necessary. And over October Break, absolutely necessities entail procuring food, alcohol, or sex. You probably won’t be having sex, and pizza is easy to get delivered, so don’t wear pants. Seize the opportunity!
4.) Binge, on everything:
Ever binge watch an entire series on Netflix? Like, skipping all your classes for two weeks, just to see if Jim and Pam get together? SPOILER: they both die in an office fire due to Michael’s negligence. Now apply that same mentality to every other facet of your life over October Break. Binge on sleep. 15 hours per night. Binge on coffee, sleeping so much will leave you lethargic. Binge on food. You’ve been ordering a lot of pizza, man, eat that shit. Showers? Screw the electric bill, you’re on October Break. Homework? NO. STOP. NO.
Hey freshmen, you think you’ve drank before? You’ve never experienced October Breakfest (not to be confused with October Breakfast, which is pumpkin flavored pancakes, eggs, and bacon). As per the previous point, you should binge on everything over October Break. Now, The Black Sheep would never advocate any harmful behavior. But, you’re on October Break! You disregard rules and conventions! Drink that liter of Svedka (responsibly) in that girl’s room your homie dragged you to because he is trying to smash (responsibly). Spend an entire day at Harry’s eating popcorn and drinking White Russians (responsibly). You do you, forget responsibility (responsibly).
2.) Neglect your responsibilities:
Homework? Nah. Laundry? No. Tinder date? Tell her to come to your dorm, dog. Tell her to bring pizza. You have no responsibilities for these four glorious days. Really, this is the heart and soul of October Break. You’ve been working your ass off with the occasional trip to a class, or the 15 minutes of homework you manage to etch into your schedule every day. You deserve a break. Ignore those “Academic Warning Signal” emails for another weekend, they can’t be that serious.
1.) Go home:
Because you miss home, mom’s cooking, your dog, and you don’t want to miss a chance to hook up with your high school girlfriend. Sounds trill to us. To keep in the spirit of October Break though, your visit should be accompanied with an air of arrogance and superiority. Make sure every knows how important you are because you go to Purdue. Let your parents know how lucky they are to have a child like you. Then proceed to spend your vacation in your room crying because that dime piece you met at a party last weekend won’t text you back.
When class resumes on the 11th, review this. Did you accomplish any? If you did, treat yourself to some (more?) Mad Mushroom. Vacation doesn’t really have to be over yet.