It happens to the best of us – we wake up with only a vague recollection of how we got ourselves into bed with the boy who, just a few hours ago, smelled like Fritos and stale beer and tried to buy us drinks at Cactus. All of a sudden, we’re faced with the challenge of making our way back home with as much dignity as we can scrape together. Here are 5 go-to walk of shame outfits that Boilermakers are seen showing off on the weekends.
5.) The Shacking Veteran:
There’s just something about him that becomes really appealing when you’re 5 shots and half a Four Loko deep – but then again, you probably wouldn’t think twice about having a sexual encounter with a breadstick at that point, so maybe your low standards are the common denominator, not Chad’s deplorable technique. Even though it shames you, you kinda knew you’d be here, walking home, wondering how you could possibly have let yourself endure yet again what felt like making out with a large, hairless golden retriever. So, you took precautions and left some PJs at his place just in case you didn’t feel like sleeping in your leather pants and snap-at-the-crotch bodysuit again.
4.) Not So Spooky:
The allure of being a sexy maid sounded like a great decision last night as you pulled on your fishnets and glued on your eyelashes, but it’s not nearly as dignified when the haze of alcohol has cleared and you’re stuck walking home in those very same fishnets the next morning. As you stride down Slayter Hill, you’re wondering why you thought it was a good idea to shack with a guy who lives the furthest possible distance from your apartment on Chauncey – and you’re kinda feeling like a freakin’ lighthouse beacon walking down from the highest point on campus in a skirt that would make Britney Spears blush.
3.) You’re Not Fooling Anyone:
Assuming your one-night stand wasn’t a 5-foot-nothing, 120-pound female, chances are the clothes you’re wearing this morning aren’t what you’d call a Cinderella fit. The super-baggy basketball shorts were cool when you actually played basketball in like, the 4th grade, but those, paired with an oversized flannel and the classic heels-in-hand look at noon on a Saturday give passersby a pretty clear indication of how your night went. On the bright side, at least you gave it up to a guy who’s willing to give you his clothes knowing full well he’ll never see them again.
2.) Darty Daddy:
Classic Purdue darty etiquette requires that you drink until you can’t feel the cold, suffocating breeze of the impending Indiana winter, then you sleep it off and prepare your body for a night of even more drinking. But sometimes, darty etiquette is thrown out the window – one minute, you’re 6 beers deep screaming “BOILERS BY 90!” at a family with small children, and the next, you find yourself waking up in a stranger’s room at 10:00 at night with eye black smeared all over your face, the distinct smell of vomit on your breath, and not a clue how you got there. At this point, you might as well just sleep the rest of the night away and try again next time.
1.) hat They Can’t See Won’t Hurt Them:
There are those that walk the Walk of Shame with pride, sporting their shacker shirts and their smug “yeah, I just got laid” looks without a care in the world. But plenty of others lack the confidence to stare judgment in the face as they make the long trek back to their own bed – and thanks to a little outfit reversal, they can remain anonymous. Sure, it adds a little vision impairment to the already difficult-to-endure haze of what little alcohol remains in your body, but who doesn’t love a challenge on their way home from a night with a not-so-handsome stranger?
Maybe you lost this round – but you got laid, and that’s more than half the enginerds at this school can say. Keep that in mind next time and own that walk of shame.