Class registration is truly a game of survival of the fittest. Use these tips and tricks to get the schedule you deserve:
5.) Use a timed electric dog collar:
We’ve all been there. You’ve set at least seven alarms to wake up at 6:00, if not 6:05, and if not 6:10, and if not… forget it, kid. You’re sleeping through all of them, and that last section of public speaking you needed filled up like, yesterday. Well you know what they say, “if you’re gonna sleep like a dog, you better get an electrified choke collar.” Actually, nobody says that, but they’re only $30 on Amazon, and if that’s not worth getting your ass up on time, what is?
4.) Bribe the website admin with friendship:
3.) Hack into the mainframe:
No comp-sci degree? No problem! You’ve seen it done before in dozens of movies and tv shows, you should be an expert by now. Just pop in your ominous skull-logo flash drive, refurbish those algorithms, reanimate the matrix, and BOOM — you’re in! With only milliseconds to spare before being caught by the server bots and your partner bleeding out on the floor next to you. Well done, Glitch (your nickname is Glitch now), you really saved the lead protagonist’s ass back there.
2.) Use a course sniper:
Welcome to the age of automation, folks. Robots have already replaced you at your minimum wage job, might as well let them register classes for you. Best part, it’s 100% legal. Some might call it cheating, but who cares, this is the 21st century and cheating is good for the economy.
1.) Hire an actual sniper
Sometimes, when technology can’t get you what you want — it’s time to take things into your own hands, and then pay someone with a military background to put it in their hands with minimal liability. Enlist a “professional” to “Add/Drop” *wink wink* your competition so you can slide into whichever overbooked intro class your heart desires. Who needs special permission numbers when you’ve got 0.308 caliber bullets and a laser dot scope on your side?
Thanks to these five incredibly helpful tips, you should now have the perfect schedule. You’re welcome, and good luck.
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