The 6 Best Places to Have a Mental Breakdown in Club Alex
With the never-ending shit storms of 2016 and finals just around the corner, it looks like you’re due for a mental breakdown. But between classes, studying, and writing papers there doesn’t seem to be any place worthy of a breakdown that fits in your schedule. But thankfully, The Black Sheep has found six of the best places in Rutgers’ study hotspot, Club Alex, to lose your shit.
6.) Between the Bookshelves:
Nothing will fuel your stress more than being surrounded by books from authors who have accomplished more than you ever will. They wrote a book for Christ’s sake. What have you done? Cried over writing a six-page Expos paper? Try writing seven volumes of comparative literature, bitch.
5.) The Elevator that isn’t the Glass Elevator:
What better way to contemplate the ups and downs of college life than riding an elevator? Besides the few people who know that there is more than one floor to Alex, the oddly colored metal death box Rutgers calls an elevator is a great place to stress in. Its small and enclosed setting is like a personal mental asylum or a padded cell. The elevator is also perfect for those who only have time for a quick mental breakdown as they ride from the basement to the fourth level.
4.) A Dark Bathroom:
Since you’re too ashamed to look in the mirror and tell yourself to get your shit together, spend some time freaking out in the bathroom with the lights off. You can do some dramatic sobbing by yourself until another poor soul walks in on you. You hope they’ll recognize your desperate call for help but they’ll just sigh and push past you to piss out their third iced coffee from the Starbucks truck.
3.) The Scarlet Latte:
We understand that some students need a breakdown that’ll really shake their core. The Scarlet Latte is where you can 1.) mentally collapse after studying Orgo for five hours, and then 2.) sit behind the counter to remind yourself that even when you do pass this final, you’ll be working at a coffee shop after graduation for eight hours a day to pay your student loans. Finally, a place to have a crisis about the present and the future all at once.
2.) The Back of the Periodicals:
Located on the bottom floor of Club Alex, the back of the periodical section is almost always empty so nothing can hinder your thoughts about potential failure. Feel free to stare at the exit sign for hours thinking about how you could walk out and leave it all behind. Right now. Okay, back to your analysis of identity and class status in Kafka.
The best place to have a mental crisis is at a table of food that’s not for you. Closed events on the fourth floor of Alex are full of people who pretend to have their life together, so they don’t need the joy and comfort that comes from a warm chocolate brownie. You deserve that free food. As you swallow that brownie whole, you can have your breakdown as the strangers around you watch.
Hopefully, this list will help you plan a nervous breakdown accordingly in your packed studying schedule. Alexander library is also open 24 hours a day so you can have one breakdown after the other without ever having to leave. Godspeed, Rutgers.