6 Reasons to Be Thankful You Don’t Go to Penn State

author-pic at Rutgers University  

An RU vs. Penn State football night game calls for two things: getting plastered and getting angry at PSU. But since Thanksgiving is next week, The Black Sheep decided to remember what we are most grateful for this year: not going to Penn State. Here are six reasons to be thankful we don’t go to PSU:

6.) Tuition Is Higher:


According to collegefactual.com, in-state tuition at PSU is $30,555, about 5k more than Rutgers’ in-state tuition. With that 5k, we can buy almost a year and a half’s worth of daily acaí bowls. At RU, we value reasonable prices and spending the extra money is not worth the name and school spirit. That’s some grade-A yuppie shit.

5.) They Ripped Off RU Hungry:


We wish we were bluffing, but those Nittany Lions are nothing but thieves. Admittedly, many places around the country adopted the Fat Sandwich, but Penn State didn’t have the decency to change the name. Their version of RU Hungry was established in June 2005 and named Are U Hungry. Not only did they rip off the name, but also several sandwiches including the Fat Bitch (now known as Fat Beach) and Fat Filipino were stolen. But you don’t even compare, Penn State. Rutgers is the Chanel; you are the Wal-Mart.

4.) PSU Student Football Tickets Cost Money:


Sure, they have a better football team this season, excellent student turnout and insane school spirit. But FUCK THAT because their student tickets cost money. It’s takes a combination of season tickets, a lottery system, and buying tickets from other students to land a seat in the game. Who cares if they are 8-2 and we’re 2-8, at least we only have to pay for shitty chicken fingers at our games.

3.) Berkey Creamery Only Allows One Flavor Per Cone:

The Nittany Lion chooses ice cream at the Penn State Creamery for the 150th Creamery Anniversary.

Although it’s the largest university creamery in the United States and Ben and Jerry from Ben & Jerry’s are alumni from the Penn State Creamery, the Berkey Creamery isn’t good enough for Scarlet Knights. This place pretentiously denies customers the right to mix flavors. As if producing 225,000 gallons of ice cream to the university is some sort of accomplishment. We’d take Thomas’ Sweets over the Berkey Creamery any day.

2.) Rutgers’ Sheer Hate:


We love how much we hate Penn State. Screaming “Fuck Penn State” on the way to the game, at the game, and back from the game is one of the best parts of RU vs. PSU game day. But we wouldn’t want to be at Penn State and have to deal with our drunk asses yelling outdated insults about Sandusky and PSU’s Kappa Delta Rho. Rutgers is vicious, and that’s how we like it—just not if we’re on the receiving end.

1.) PA Went Red This Year:


Pennsylvania hasn’t been a red state since 1992, but this year was a game changer. PA and NJ had similar political stands, swinging from the Republican party to Democratic near the turn of the century. Maybe there’s something in the water that changed PA’s mind this year. Whatever it is, we’re glad to not be apart of it.

Rutgers isn’t perfect but Penn State is no match for our grease trucks and cheap tuition. And even if we lose on Saturday, we’ll still hold a big, ol’ middle finger to PSU. A Scarlet Knight today, a Scarlet Knight tentatively forever.

If you woke up this morning surrounded by ravaged boxes of Lunchables, then this one is for you: