6 RU Dorm Rules to Break Before You Move Out for the Summer
It’s almost time to move out! Say goodbye to all of the good memories this school year, and go out with a bang! We looked through the RU On Campus Handbook of Residence Life Policies and realized that keeping up with all of these rules must be, like, really hard. So we provided you with some clever ways to break the rules for once.
6.) Light a Goddamn Candle:
That’s right, rebel a little. Pick your favorite Yankee candle scent: very berry hibiscus bergamot, caramel frappuccino, or 2 x 4 if you’re feeling manly. Light a candle and let its sweet, sweet scent fill your shitty, dusty dorm room. Turn off all the lights and make a shadow bunny on the wall. Really lose yourself in it. Start a whole shadow puppet show. Go on tour. Make a name for yourself. Blow out the candle before the fire alarm goes off and you embarrass yourself.
5.) Promote Your Instagram:
According to the Solicitation Policy, no one is allowed to go door-to-door soliciting. Unfortunately, summer is coming up and you have big things planned for your Instagram. Spend any down time knocking on dorm room doors and handing out screenshots of your perfectly curated Instagram. Talk about your journey to find the perfect Instagram aesthetic to match your mood and life goals. Give out free cupcakes. Sell your organs. Whatever it takes.
4.) Hoard a Pet:
Everyone knows that you can’t have any sort of pet in a dorm. But that’s not really fun. We recommend luring in the nearest 10-25 cats (ideally one for each dorm room) as a temporary comfort animal to guide you and your peers safely through finals. If you can’t find a wild cat to tame, beg a Seeing Eye Puppy raiser to let you dog sit so that you can feel like a true rule-breaker while you cry your way through finals.
3.) Start a Hall Sports Team:
According to the Hall Sports Policy, students can’t play organized sports in the halls. Use your last week at school to play everyone’s favorite pastime: racquetball. The narrowness of dorm halls will maximize the bounciness of the racquetball and help achieve maximum fun levels. Use the last of your printing money to print out a bunch of cheap team names. Tape them onto T-shirts and get the competition going.
2.) Literally Stop Showering, You Animal:
The Independent Living Policy states that students should be able to care for themselves in terms of eating, sleeping, and cleaning themselves after a day of riding buses with people who smell like someone robbed all of their soap and dignity. If you’re sick of trying so hard to look and smell like a decent human, just fuck it.
1.) Host a Dage:
The Lounge Use Policy states that you can’t host an event expecting over one hundred guests without alerting the RUPD, and you definitely can’t charge admission. You’re gonna do both of these things. Pick a time when your RA’s busy dealing with Karen from 312, and tell everyone about your dage. Have drinks, craft flower crowns, get a DJ, hell, blow up a bouncy castle. Make it like a mini Coachella.
Now that you’ve wrapped up the year with some rule-breaking, onto the next one. Also, you should probably shower.
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