Flatlining at a devastatingly subpar 78 likes, RBS junior Rebecca Morgan, remains the only girl in her sorority who has failed to reach the 100 likes mark on her latest Instagram post.
Morgan, a sister of the Lambda Iota Kappa sorority, posted the picture Friday with her boyfriend Jason at his fraternity’s formal held at the second cheapest hotel ballroom in Atlantic City.
“Most of us take 100 likes for granted. I mean, I can’t remember the last time I got less than 150,” said Chloe Janner, Morgan’s Big and Instagram coach. “Last week I got over 200 on my unicorn frappuccino and it was literally just a cup with a logo, like, I wasn’t even showing cleavage.”
“I don’t understand how this is possible,” an extremely shook Morgan told sources. “I did everything right. I posted at peak hours, between 11 a.m. and 12 p.m., Drake lyrics in the caption, you know, I’m here for a good time not a long time, Mayfair filter, subtle vignette and edge blur, hashtag formal SZN. Do you understand how hot I am? This is fucking insane.”
Traumatized by the sheer embarrassment of double-digit likes, Rebecca told reporters she is considering dumping her boyfriend for someone more photogenic, or deactivating her account entirely.
“We tried to help by spamming the comments with positive affirmations like ‘YASSSS KWEEN,’ ‘OBSESSED W U,’ and ‘OMG BOOBS’ but the damage was already done,” said Janner. “At this point, the only way to recover from a PR nightmare like this is to go private and rebrand as a finsta.”
Sources at Rutgers say Rebecca has been put on social media probation indefinitely until she can figure out how to get her shit together and earn higher numbers.
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