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Rutgers Freshman Questions Answered

Each year brings in a new batch of wide-eyed kids to vast, uncharted territory. Sex, alcohol, drugs, and shit-stained shared bathrooms can really frazzle a freshman. At Rutgers, freshman insecurities are even more profound. Who can I make friends with? Will I survive? What is a Rutger? All of these are valid questions, and they aren’t even the most important ones that have to be asked. Luckily, we’re here for all of you lost souls. You have questions. We have answers.

Raj Patel, SEBS ‘21
Rutgers is such a huge college. How do I navigate it?

Well Raj, it’s quite simple—you don’t. You will get lost, you will get frustrated. Nobody will help you when you’re 20 minutes late to class and on the wrong campus. Just push through and eventually, you’ll figure it out and be the one ignoring confused freshmen.

Amanda Adams, Mason Gross ‘21
What is dorm life like? Do people go crazy 24/7?

Don’t be naïve, Amanda. Dorm life is dealing with crazy people 24/7. You’re lucky if you make an acquaintance. Your roommate will find a boyfriend who sleeps there every night and they will have sex while you’re in the room.

Randy “Rowdy” Palmiero, RBS ‘21
I’m trying to get laid. Help me out bro.

Randy, we can already tell you’re gonna be a real dickhead. That wasn’t a question, so no answer.

Darryl Jones, SAS ‘21
What’s the best way to get involved on campus?

We don’t know Darryl, do whatever you want. If you like something find a club that does that. Personally, we drink with people. In fact, we’re doing that right now. And yes it’s with people so don’t judge us. We are getting involved—hiccup—so yeah.

 Samantha Rosenbaum, SAS ‘21
I wasn’t much of a partier in high school, but I want to have more fun at college. What is the party scene like?

It’s a constant party scene. Right now it’s Tuesday at 1:15 and we’re pretty out of it. But the actual parties—the parties…give us a second. Okay. The party scene is wild. You’re a girl so you don’t have a problem.

Amy Rodriguez, RBS ‘21
How do I know if Rutgers is the right choice for me?

Shh. We don’t know. Just figure it out. Now go away.

There you have it, kids. Hope we helped. If not, then good luck on your own. College isn’t that hard to figure out. Go to some classes, meet some people, have some fun. Freshman year will have its ups and downs, but by next summer, as rising sophomores, you’ll look forward to college, and prepare to ignore all the annoying and confused freshman that you all are right now.

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