Rutgers University disappeared from the Big 10 Athletic website overnight, just days after the Scarlet Knights’ loss to Eastern Michigan last Saturday. This loss gave the Eagles their first win against a Big 10 Conference team.
Avid Rutgers football fan and bar frequenter Rick Cook reported that when he was checking the schedule for the next game, he realized that all of the schools had changed.
“I scrolled past the top of the page where our first two courageous losses should’ve been. Then, I noticed that the next games that were listed were against schools I didn’t even recognize,” Cook said.
When asked for more information, Cook added that some of the schools included were Boating School for Sponges, North Brunswick Elementary School, and something called “Penn State”.
Rutgers University crews began the removal process of any Big 10 signage around 10 p.m. last night, removing all trace of Rutgers’ involvement of the conference from the campus.
In fact, yesterday around 3 a.m. students received a mass email from Rutgers University President Bob Barchi explaining the debacle.
“Members of the Rutgers Community,” he wrote, “I kindly instruct you to burn any Big 10 T-shirts that we gave out or that were purchased. It’s best that no one remember our time in the conference, for it has been too embarrassing for such a prestigious place as “the birthplace of football” to fall so far from grace.”
By 3:04 a.m., students received a second email from Mr. Barchi. “Members of the Rutgers community,” he wrote, “Ignore that last email. But maybe if you could, you know, accidentally throw the shirts in a dumpster fire that just happened to be around so that we could collectively forget what a colossal error the past four years have been, no one would be hurt.”
Bob Barchi refused to answer any further questions about the school’s sudden retreat from the Big 10 Conference. However, an unnamed source close to Barchi confirmed that the school has left the conference for good.
“School spirit is important to Rutgers University students, and Bobby felt he could bring that back by setting up the team with some guaranteed wins. I heard the elementary school’s been kicking ass though. Dutta out,” he said.
Next Saturday’s game will take place home at High Point Solutions Stadium versus the American School for the Blind.
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