Student Sits in Ice Locker in Preparation for Rutgers’ Big Chill

author-pic at Rutgers University  

 

McKayler Jersen, a Rutgers student and self-pronounced athlete, has discovered a new way to prepare for Rutgers’ annual Big Chill Marathon.

Jersen plans to sit in an ice locker for an entire week in preparation for the chill. Jersen assumes that the Big Chill will be extremely cold because of its name, and hopes that by sitting in an ice locker she can assimilate to the cold temperature.

“It’s only a few degrees colder than my room in the quads, so it should be no problem!” Jersen said. Her roommate, Bertha Humphrey, doesn’t approve of Jersen’s methods. She says it’s dangerous.

“It’s fucking insane, that’s what it is. I know McKayler isn’t the smartest girl ever, but this is a new low,” Humphrey said.

The ice locker is located in Livingston Dining Hall. Jersen will be camping with various frozen meats. “It’s tempting sometimes. I might get hungry. I’ll survive though,” Jersen said. Jersen has stocked up a week’s worth of clam chowder from Au Bo Pain and plans to eat them like Popsicle sticks.

Jersen says she is looking forward to raising money for the polar bears.  “I’ll definitely raise the most money. No one else is preparing like I am,” Jersen said. “I think it’s so sad that polar bears don’t have toys for Christmas. This is a really great cause.”

Jersen took the liberty of asking everyone in her Intro to Communications lecture to donate $5 to the polar bear gift fund. She dressed up as a Coca-Cola bear, hoping to inspire the students to donate. One of the students, Liba Marsufa, expressed her concerns about the cause.

“She asked us to donate money so a polar bear could get a Christmas gift. Do polar bears even celebrate Christmas? How dare we assume their culture or pressure them into celebrating this Pagan holiday. I think these efforts are offensive and unfair to bears everywhere,” said Marsufa.

Jersen urges students to participate in Meatless Mondays, so she’ll have more space in the ice locker. The frostbite has begun to set in, but Jersen remains optimistic. “It’s going to be great. We’re saving Christmas.”

Yeah, we all have D.A.D.S., just maybe not the kind you were thinking of: