If you’re currently enrolled in or have ever taken an intro class at Rutgers, you’ve experienced feeling like a small speck of sand in a sea of 300 students. But you might never have realized that these 300 students can be categorized into five basic types of people. Next time you’re people watching while secretly listening to Jojo’s “A Little Too Late” on your phone, pay attention and you’ll catch these little bitches in their daily acts and mannerisms.
5.) The suck-up:
The suck-up is the boy in Intro to Microecon. who types his notes in class, then goes home and writes them, leaving enough time to inform his fellow classmates on the Facebook group about important dates for the course. The suck-up is also the girl in Gen Chem 161 who buys the textbook BEFORE the first day of class and goes up to introduce herself at the end. She’s definitely part of one of the “Women in ______” organizations on campus.
4.) The weird self-proclaimed fashionista:
This student always wears weird-ass pants. They might be yoga pants that end too high and you ask yourself, “Is there a flood coming that I don’t know about?” They might be flared jeans that went out of style a day after they were in, but this person bought every pair she could find. The pants might be paired with an interesting choice of shoe, ie. slacks with an Adidas slide, mid-calf length skirt with running sneakers. Something gives you a feeling that can only be replicated by biting down on those weird chewable Flintstones vitamins, or the shiver you get during a midnight piss.
3.) The “gives-no-fucks”-er:
This person goes on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat during class, dozing off in between spurts of social media. This is the person who stops going to class two weeks after classes, therefore stops riding the bus. He’s the reason you can finally stand comfortably on the LX bus and breathe air that is NOT coming directly from an armpit. You’ll know who these people are as the class begins to empty out; then suddenly when exam day comes, the lecture hall will be full again. Classic “gives-no-fucks”-er.
2.) The gym fanatic:
These people are the student athletes and those who frequent the gyms on campus, whether it’s the dungeon on College Ave. or the cramped rectangular area on Busch. There are two types of the jock: try-hard jock and dumb jock. Try-hard jock wakes up every morning and goes to the gym before class and still does surprisingly well. Dumb jock goes to practice, hits the gym, and comes to class once a week to pass. Tell tale signs of the jock or gym fanatic include: bro tanks, athletic wrap-around-ear earbuds, Nike sneakers, pre wrap, gallon of water held in one hand.
1.) The genuinely cool/smart person:
This person is the one you aspire to be. The one you want to approach and be like, “Hey, let’s be friends. Teach me your ways.” But you can’t do this because you low-key act like you are this person in every class. You can become this person simply with a little…let’s face it. We all know how to become the smartest student, but who’s going to give up “Netflix and chill”, right?
You might not be able to classify yourself in just one of these categories. Worry not! You’re simply a mix of a few types of people. As long as you study (enough), keep your eyes open (most of the time), take tasteful fashion risks, and kiss the right amount of ass, you’ll be fine.