Student Orders 60 Lbs of Lemon Pepper Wings, Late Night Thrown into Chaos

author-pic at UCLA  

Last week, a student known simply by the alias “Wing Throat” walked into De Neve Late Night and unloaded an astonishing 120 swipes on 60 lbs. of lemon pepper chicken wings, throwing the De Neve kitchen into chaos and effectively shutting down all wing-related activity.

“It was the most astonishing thing I’ve ever seen,” said Late Night worker Craig, who registered Wing Throat’s 120 swipes. “He said ‘yeah, I’ll take sixty pounds of wings,’ and I was like ‘yeah, right dude.’ But he was deadass serious. So I charged it.”

Right as the purchase registered and the receipt was printed, wing station chef Jason Chu noticed the Late Night workers begin to panic. He had to take drastic steps to reduce anxiety or else the entire operation would have collapsed.

“Basically, we halted all lemon pepper wing activity until the order was satisfied. Even when we recruited servers from other stations, we didn’t finish the order until four hours later at 1 a.m.,” said Chef Chu. “And that son of a bitch Wing Throat unapologetically sat at a table and waited patiently the whole time.”

The head of UCLA Dining Services stated that it was the single-largest swipe purchase in UCLA’s history. He also stated that further precautions will be taken in the future to cap the number of swipes used at any time and at any dining hall at ten swipes.

“This event threatened the stability of our beloved Late Night, but we persevered,” said UCLA Chancellor Gene Block. “We will continue to monitor the situation in De Neve, but I can confidently say that the state of the Late Night union is, in fact, strong as ever.”

Needless to say, Wing Throat has been banned from any further purchases at Late Night until further notice. UCLA Dining Service employees are currently questioning the motives of Wing Throat. In an exclusive phone interview given to The Black Sheep by Wing Throat, we asked him why he ordered so many wings and what their current whereabouts.

“What happened to all the wings? Oh, I ate them,” said Wing Throat. “I didn’t know this was going to be such a big deal. I just had the munchies.”