Students Fill Facebook Feeds with Cooking Videos Despite Only Having Two PBRs in the Fridge

author-pic at Binghamton  

Whether it’s a corporate conspiracy to get millennials to buy name-brand food or a distraction to keep the younger generation from sniffing out the Illuminati, cooking videos have surged in popularity on Facebook. Two-minute food tutorial videos have begun take up more space on a newsfeed than cat videos and engagement photos combined. Their core audience? College students.

“I can totally make this one-pot chicken fajita recipe, it looks so easy!” said student Amanda Thornton while scraping 30-cent ramen out of her only clean pan.

Students all over the country are spending hours watching cooking videos on their newsfeed with watering mouths, while trying to ignore the contents of their fridge: two cans of beer, and a plastic container of something that might have been chicken at one point. 

“I think I’ll try to make a vegetarian gnocchi from scratch. I’ve been wanting to go on a cleanse for a while,” said one Patrick Green, whose last vegetable was a bag of Funyons nearly four days ago.

Several cooking videos on Facebook promise to have easy, affordable recipes available to viewers. After doing a brief investigation, The Black Sheep found that the only recipes that are actually easy and affordable for college students are cake mix cookies, and wine smoothies.

“I swear, those videos have been a life saver for my wallet and my stomach. It’s been nice to eat confetti cookies or sangrias between buttered noodles,” said student Kevin Bloom moments before passing out from malnutrition.

On the plus side, the constant barrage of cooking videos has given some students an appreciation for the sub-par campus food they’ll have access to in just a few months time.

“I never thought I’d say I miss disgusting campus sandwiches,” student Kelly Hughes said, “but there’s only so many times you can watch someone make teriyaki chicken then cry onto your empty fridge shelves. I can’t wait for class to start again.”

At any rate, it’s clear that these DIY cooking videos present unrealistic expectations for college students. The Black Sheep urges all college students to avoid watching them at all costs, and use that time to go eat a damn vegetable.

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