5 PETA-Friendly Alternatives for Clemson’s Mascot

author-pic at Clemson University  

Everyone knows the Tiger is the most majestic and beautiful creature alive, but we need to move into a more progressive time when we’re not isolating our tiger friends and making them feel like they’re just characters. #AnimalsRights and #PETA and #HorseGirls because, you guys, animals are people too. Did you know gamecock was used was referring to chickens in cockfights? So, basically USC supports animal abuse. We like our mascot, but there are a lot of other Tigers out there (example LSU, Auburn, Memphis), and there are plenty of equally #FIERCE non-human non-animal objects that won’t get their feelies hurt for being a mascot!

5.) The Clemson Bureaucrats:
Many mayors, governors, lieutenant governors, senators, and various presidential cabinet members have walked these same paths we’re walking. People like Strom Thurmond, Nikki Haley, and Harvey Gantt. We even have a former speaker of the Kenyan Senate, Ekwee Ethuro, as an alumnus. Bet you didn’t know that! We can all agree these bureaucrats are fierce, exciting alternatives to poor friendly tigers.

4.) The Clemson Farmers/Tractors/Crops:
You have got to admit that The Clemson Crops has a nice ring to it. Just picture a giant cartoonish piece of corn with a fierce expression running along our sidelines trying to pump people up. Chances are if you go to Clemson you’ve probably heard something along the lines of, “Oh you go to Clemson, you must want to be a farmer,” or “do you ride your tractor to class or leave it at home?” HAHAHA!!!! Clemson is a nationally recognized top 25 institution of higher learning so farmer joke people can piss right off. Also, farmers are an important part of American society. Without farmers what would you eat!? So yeah think about that next time before you make a farmer joke jackass.

3.) The Clemson Stray cats:
These cuties are all over campus. Plus, a tiger is a cat so we’d technically be sticking to our roots, but for a good cause, yano? This one is definitely creative and instead of striking fear in the hearts of our opponents we’ll hand them adoption forms and play videos of sad looking kitties who need a home on the jumbotron and then they’ll feel sad and we’ll proceed to CRUSH THEIR F***ING BRAINS INTO THE TURF. What are we talking about again?

2.) The Clemson Meter Maids:
The unsung heroes of campus. They’re basically Robin hood except the exact opposite. Stealing your money to give to people who already get thousands of your dollars. An anti-guardian angel if you will. But if Carolina can support animal abuse, we can support robbery.

1.) The Clemson Squirrels:
Much like stray cats they are also all over campus usually burying nuts, falling out of trees, or getting stuck in trash cans so yano, they’re animals too but f*** them. Plus as Clemson students know the squirrels on campus are not to be messed with. They are no joke. We encourage you to show us another college with a squirrel for a mascot. Good luck!

With these new, fresh mascot ideas for our beloved university, no-one would need to wonder who was it first! If you have any better suggestion send them our way on twitter.