Tempestuous FSU Garages Utilize Free Student Counseling after Developing Trust Issues

author-pic at Florida State University  

Following Hurricane Irma and the consequent Napleton Infiniti incident, notoriously introverted FSU parking garages have developed trust issues to deal with atop their already low self-esteem.

Garages like Woodward have taken it upon themselves to visit FSU’s free counseling center to cope with the fresh trauma.

“We had students and civilians in mind when we opened our ramps to the public after hours,” said the 928-space garage. “And you know, it hurts. To be taken advantage of time and time again, it hurts.”

Fortunately, Tallahassee only felt tropical storm winds as opposed to the predicted category 4 effects that could’ve caused severe damaged to unsheltered vehicles. However, students and garages are still upset by the car dealership’s selfish actions.

“It’s one thing to park in a faculty space as a desperate student, but it’s a whole other ballgame to use all my free spaces for your company’s unsold cars during a potentially life-threatening storm,” lamented Pensacola Street’s St. Augustine. “I could use an objective outlet to express my twisted emotions to while I comprehend this unnecessary evil.”

Although FSU ordered Infiniti to take their cars out of the garages after the news spread on social media, it was too little too late for remaining students wishing to park in the garages.

“It’s like, every time I open my doors to humans, in an effort to be kind and connect with the community, I get taken advantage of,” said a teary-eyed Spirit Way mega-garage. “I’m lucky to have an equally giving health and wellness center to go to in this time of personal stress, anxiety, and overwhelming remorse.”

Now that Irma has, for the most part, passed over Tallahassee, the parking garages will cautiously resume normal hours and regulations. On their lunch breaks a handful of them will be attending free student counseling sessions at the University Counseling Center.

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