The Black Sheep Interviews: A UIowa Freshman Who Hasn’t Slept in 98 Hours
This week, The Black Sheep was lucky enough to sit down with Ella Hastings, a UIowa freshman from Lake Forest, Illinois. Hastings recently made history as the longest consecutively conscious student in Hawkeye history, and we couldn’t wait to see all she had to say about her 98-hour sleep-free trip:
TBS: Ella, thank you so much for sitting down with us, we know you would probably love to be asleep by now.
Ella: Actually, I’m fine. I’m reading a book about rigor mortis. Did you know it’s a scientific phenomenon instead of a natural after-death process? I’ve gotten really into carcass facts recently.
TBS: That’s great, thanks Ella. Actually we were really wondering how your productivity has increased since you chose to stop sleeping?
Ella: Oh my productivity, yeah. I can eat a whole ear of corn in 32 seconds flat. Also, I’m constantly looking at the static on my dorm television. I loooovveee static. I haven’t blinked in so long.
TBS: Oh wow, well you may want to try to get that done soon. Have you done anything super fun during this time?
Ella: Yeah! Actually I did a one-woman bar crawl. So basically it was just me going from bar to bar.
TBS: Really? So you drank during this time as well and still didn’t sleep? Impressive!
Ella: Oh no I didn’t drink! I ordered onion rings at every single bar. Unfortunately, things started to go really poorly when I got to Union, I projectile vomited all over the dance floor. I’m banned for life I think.
At this point in the interview, Ella began rocking back and forth and crying. She refused to continue the interview until we gave her a ripe banana.
Ella: One of the main ways I’ve stayed awake is my diet. I ate a lot of bananas, peanut butter, applesauce, and whey protein!
TBS: Sounds healthy, so you made a lot of protein shakes in your awake time?
Ella: Oh no, I just spooned the whey protein into my mouth. I like the chalky feel under my tongue. Also, I’ve looked up the word cathartic in the dictionary 17 times in the past 98 hours.
TBS: Ella, it seems like you may need to go to bed pretty soon, we’re not sure if we’ve gained any insight.
Ella: Insight, more like Outside! Haha the weather has been so nice recently!
TBS: Alright, thanks for talking to us Ella, get some rest.
Ella: For sure! Do you remember how to open a door?
Ella concluded our interview by banging her head on the main library table three or four times, something she says helped her stay awake for all 98 hours. She then laughed at at absolutely nothing for 12 minutes straight.
With finals upon us, pulling a couple of all-nighters is inevitable. Though no one can touch Ella Hastings’s record, remember to keep your wits about you, Hawkeyes. And definitely, definitely stay away from Union.
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