Oscar Nominated Movies Flawlessly Re-imagined Into MSU Memes
Oscar season is in full swing, and plans for watch parties are being made across campus. There’s only one thing that could make this delectable awards night even better – the inclusion of Michigan State’s beautiful campus. Here are how we at The Black Sheep would make these movies more personal:
Hidden Quarterbacks is the incredibly [dull] untold story of MSU’s Tyler O’ Connor, Damion Terry, and Brian Lewerke – subpar football players whose only job was to be as good as Connor Cook. Instead, they gave MSU the shittiest season State had seen in a while. The trio must overcome Internet trolls, a disappointed Dantonio, and hangry MSU dads who have nothing better to do. After giving MSU fans many reasons to leave the game early or switch the channel to a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon, all these quarterbacks want to do is remain hidden…for history to forgive and forget.
Manchester by the Cedar:
An MSU alumnus, Chandler (Casey Affleck), must return to his old stomping grounds to take care of a fellow frat brother with a long overdue graduation. When tragedy strikes his frat bro, Chandler must take care of his newly initiated little brother. Returning to MSU means facing ghosts from Chandler’s past…like that one chick that he may or may not have slept with after Brock’s Halloween party. But everyone must return to the Cedar.
A linguistics professor, played by Amy Adams, leads a team to investigate a mysterious species of students that arrive on campus once a year: freshmen. The talented linguist must attempt to understand the “hip slang” of these freshmen before the upperclassmen rebel. What do these freshmen want? Why are they so adamant to drink in the dorms? Will they be able to fit into the college lifestyle or will they transfer closer to home?
This is the story of Mia, a sorority sister who couldn’t give two shits about sports, and Sebastian, a dedicated MSU basketball fan, struggling to make ends meet through male stripping and March Madness brackets. Both are trying to pursue their dreams in the competitive drinking league. As success comes into reach, they are faced with heartbreaking decisions, like who gets to keep the signed Izzo shot glass. Set to extremely catchy tunes and singing that is slightly tolerable, this film, nominated for 14 Academy Awards, will make you want to go to The Riv and live the dream.
A CATA bus embarks on a journey to God-knows-where, with only 2 passengers and 1 driver aboard. One passenger, Jim (Chris Pratt) Facebook stalks his fellow passenger, played by Jennifer Lawrence, before sliding into her DMs. Basically, they fall in love, have a lot of sex on public transportation, and the audience will sit there questioning why the hell the came to see a shitty remake of the Titanic, but on Lansing’s number one public transportation system.
C.G.: Made in Okemos
“What if I told you a kid from Okemos could become a cultural phenomenon?” Brought to you by ‘30 for 30’, the film series that highlighted how Michigan had to pay players to scrape the surface of basketball relevancy, comes C.G. Made in Okemos. This five-part documentary follows the journey of locally-grown Conner George, who rose from being a premier high school player in the area to the human victory cigar for Michigan State basketball. This riveting Oscar-nominated tale of the nation’s leader in bench-sitting shows just how fucking crazy college girls go for a guy that averages 0.29 minutes per game.
And An Honorable Mention, Finding Dantonio:
This thrilling underwater tale tells the story of Mark Dantonio, a football coach that was exiled from his community after an incredibly nauseating season. After a long period of swimming in the Red Cedar with his marine friends, Dantonio suddenly remembers that he has a team at Michigan State that may miss him. He then takes off on a life-changing adventure to return to Spartan Stadium, bringing his friends Tom and Lou Anna with him. This is the story of how Mark Dantonio redeemed himself, and discovered the beauty within himself and his community.
Whether it’s a journey through the Red Cedar or a fateful CATA trip, you can surely relate to these modern day, Spartan-themed classics. Now you’re all ready for Sunday’s ceremony!
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