NYU Public Safety Sends Another Email to Remind Students that Alcohol is Bad
Last Friday morning, NYU’s Public Safety team issued an email to all students asking that they please stop drinking alcohol because it’s uhhhh bad for you. The email (basically) read as follows:
Students, children, and delinquents of NYU,
Since move-in day, which was like last week, students have been dropping money on alcohol, only to be dropped off at the hospital.
Everyone under the legal drinking age of 21, please stop drinking, especially on NYU’s property. For the love of Andy Hamilton, drinking is BAD. B-A-FREAKING-D. New York University is a prestigious institution with an untarnished reputation. (Well, as long as one forgets about NYU Abu Dhabi.)
We cannot stop you from drinking, but we can and will write down that you drank. That will not show up anywhere, but dammit we will have that piece of paper! Do you think we will not destroy your career with this revelatory information? If so, you’re probably right, but that’s besides the point.
Please have fun, but do so in a safe and engaging environment, like with your RA while having mocktails and popcorn, or going to one of our many safety seminars. There will be free food, and everyone loves free food, right?
Please R.S.V.P., guys.
We want this to be a safe school year; we need this to be a safe school year. We can only achieve this if we STOP DRINKING. Call the Wellness Exchange: (212) 443-9999. You delinquents should have memorized it by now.
Public Safety cares about you; at the end of the day, we are not just the guys who yell at you about guest passes; we are your friends. Have fun, but have fun the Public Safety Way, or else we will send you ANOTHER frustrated email.
Your Friends at Public Safety
After receiving the email many students were reported to have “felt a little bit bad for a minute.” After that brief moment passed, many sophomores were seen texting their older siblings to buy them alcohol for the weekend.
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