Joe Biden Joins Rutgers to Celebrate Thirsty Thursday

author-pic at Rutgers University  

Following his passionate and moving speech at the “It’s On Us” rally in the College Avenue Gym Thursday afternoon, former U.S. Vice President Joe Biden joined students in thirsty Thursday celebrations at Rutgers University. 

According to several female students who attended the rally and followed Biden to several frat parties to ensure he would meet ratio, Biden’s presence on campus changed Rutgers party culture. Jungle juice reportedly did not run out by midnight and full toilet paper rolls weren’t submerged in the only working toilet in the house. 

“Joe Biden just being on campus was amazing, transformative even,” Sigma Delta sorority sister Jane Thompson said. “The whole campus was changing—not one person stepped on my foot when dancing and they finally stopped playing the ‘Ignition’ remix.”  

When the former VP sweated through his dress shirt and suit jacket after six minutes in the Delta Theta Meta basement, he moved to the first floor and discussed the importance of student engagement on campus between jello shots and sips of lukewarm beer.

He also shared the touching story behind his friendship bracelet, which he reportedly never takes off. Male and female students crowded around him and swooned, prompting Biden to strum “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz on an acoustic guitar offered by an aspiring New Brunswick underground basement musician.  

“This is essentially what convinced Barack to make me his VP,” Biden said between verses. 

Biden concluded Thirsty Thursday festivities with a final speech about how he’d prefer a black bear from Jersey as the secretary of education rather than Betsy Devos. Amongst the roaring students, many stated they spotted new Chancellor Deba Dutta in a “Biden 2020” hat cheering as well. 

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