BREAKING: Frat Gym Closes
In a startling turn of events, UC Berkeley’s premier frat gym has closed. Frat stars all over campus are now struggling to keep up their full swollness.
“I have no idea what to do!” Zete senior, Todd Todd stated to The Black Sheep, while snorting some protein powder. “I basically live at Frat Gym, now that it’s closed I’m having a crisis.”
The Frat Gym closure was emailed to all Berkeley students this week. The email solemnly stated “Frat Gym will be closed for at least the next thirty days.”After this announcement complete chaos ensued on Berkeley’s esteemed Greek row.
“I’m having an existential crisis!” Delta Chi Junior Chad Andrews cried. “I literally have never worked out at the RSF. It’s so far away, and people that aren’t cool frat stars work out there too. I can’t have those eyes watching my toned body do arm day everyday.”
Others had a similar reaction. “Frat Gym is my home. It’s my safe space on campus, and now that it’s gone I may have to lift at a different gym. What’s the point anymore?” ATO sophomore Jon Jacobs cried.
“If I can’t do arm day tomorrow I might have a breakdown.” Jacobs continued while slowly sipping his protein shake for comfort. “Maybe I’ll start a protest… now that would be frat!”