B Plate to Serve Potted Plants in Effort to Increase Health-Consciousness

author-pic at UCLA  

Bruin Plate is notoriously known as the healthiest dining hall on campus, but health-awareness clubs on campus have pushed for tighter food regulations and an increase in the availability of nutritious food in UCLA’s dining halls. B Plate, claiming to already be health-conscious enough, faces a dilemma.

“How can we get healthier than we already are?” said Patricia, a chef at B Plate. “We basically sell leaves and a tiny bit of meat. I know how the students feel about us. I’ve seen the memes.”

B Plate head chef Michael Carey, a proponent of the push towards healthier dining halls, outlines his plans to make B Plate a premier healthy food option on campus.

“I think B Plate has been successful in providing students a healthy alternative to the cholesterol-clogging food of De Neve and Covel,” explains Chef Carey, “but I know we can always do better. That’s why I’m proposing a truly revolutionary change to B Plate’s menu.”

Chef Carey’s proposal, which has already been approved and set in motion by UCLA administration, suggests serving potted plants at the “Freshly Bowled” and “Harvest” stations to replace the unhealthy vegetables served there prior.

“Yes, instead of brussels sprouts and broccoli, we’re just going to go ahead and serve potted ferns and other leafy plants. We figure students won’t mind since that’s what they’re eating when they come here anyway. It just eliminates the ‘preparation’ step for us,” said Chef Carey. “We also encourage that students eat the potting soil, which has been known to have myriad health benefits, and the clay pot as well for a good cleanse of the digestive system.”

UCLA administration and head chefs at UCLA’s dining halls are excited that this attempt will really improve health-consciousness around campus. Some students, however, aren’t so thrilled.

“I know that I’m basically eating grass and leaves when I go to B Plate, but do they really have to try to be healthier and more nutritious?” said Sam, a second-year business economics student. “I mean, they already sell shit like ‘chèvre’ and ‘wheat germ,’ and I don’t even know what the fuck that is, but it seems healthy enough. So why don’t they just serve us larger portions instead?”

“We know some students may feel a little uncomfortable with the new menu we’ve put in place, but that’s okay. They don’t even have to eat the pots. They can return them and we’ll pot another plant in it,” said Chef Carey. “We’ve found that serving students survivable portions of food just isn’t efficient enough. We have thought about all other options and settled on this as the best one, so UCLA will be healthy whether it likes it or not.”

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