UW Suspends Fraternity, Bros Now Considered Endangered Species

author-pic at UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN  

UW fraternities are facing diminishing numbers after numerous suspensions this year and have now found their way onto the World’s Endangered Watch List. Below is the description for the endangered UW frat boy for reference. 

UW Fraternities

Status: Critically Endangered

Population: Fleeting

Scientific name: Fraterna homo sapien

Habitat: Tight, city quarters, often travel in packs

Diet: Copious amounts of Natty Lite and Chipotle

After years of parties, formals and brotherhood, UW fraternity numbers are dwindling. Over the course of the years this subspecies has adapted to life at UW. Similarly to other fraternities, UW frat boys can shotgun beers at remarkable speeds. This extraordinary species has been reported blasting EDM music and hanging out with their brothers on the docks.

They are social beings. They are the life of the party and deny opposing men to their houses and parties. It has been reported that sorority girls and other women are attracted to these fraternity men for reasons that are still under investigation.

If you’re out on campus, look for boys with limited facial hair, wearing boat shoes, snapbacks, pastel colored shorts or shirts with Greek letters on them, and more than likely you have spotted a frat boy. If you spot a frat boy, snap a picture or take in the monumental moment because at the rate of their endangerment, there will not be many other opportunities to be in a frat boy’s presence.

Because of unfortunate circumstances, mostly due to global warming and too much beer consumption, the fight to keep UW fraternities alive is more important than ever. The frats are dwindling at alarming rates and only a handful remain. If you see a fraternity member, or what you believe to be a fraternity member, be sure to contact authorities immediately so they can be tagged and further studied.