Student Misses MSU So Much He Gets Off To D2L

author-pic at Michigan State University  

Time away from MSU can feel emotionally deteriorating. For some students, particularly Jacob Barkoff, missing Michigan State is even more drastic, passionate type of a feeling.

“Being away from school is hard. And things got harder, if you know what I’m sayin.” Jacob threw a wink our way and popped the collar of his purple polo.

“Check this out.” Jacob beamed as he showed us his D2L profile picture, a high definition picture of him in front of Thai Hut.

“Even when I was on my phone or laptop, I felt the need to check my email or go on D2L; I’m not even taking any summer classes or anything, I just wanted to check up on it, ya know, see what’s going on. ” Jacob tells The Black Sheep. “Something about the word ‘dropbox’ made me feel all tingly.”

It’s no surprise that everyone has different ways to deal with missing Michigan State, however, what we found out was shocking, yet seemingly effective and rather innovative.

“I pulled up Pornhub; it was a Wednesday so you know shit was about to go down. Something about it seemed, wrong, and I don’t mean morally.” Jacob began to clench his butt cheeks in anticipation of finishing the story. “Last minute I switched to D2L. When I clicked on selected courses and I had no classes to click on, I had a minor set back,” Jacob nudged us, “if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” And we were.

“The most arousing part was looking at my previous courses, clicking the pager and the notification button, and when I clicked the home button and D2L refreshed, well, you know.”

He left the interview sweating, his phone locked for 32 minutes after continually trying to type in his password to log into D2L under the table during the interview. When suggesting to Jacob to seek help, he flipped us off and The Black Sheep came to the realization that Jacob might not be the only student out there with these feelings; we pitched a Facebook therapy group called “WorkinToStopJerkin”. If you’re reading this and feel that you have similar habits, please look for help.