The Men of UCF Tinder
UCF is huge. If driving onto campus on a Monday morning doesn’t tell you that we have a crowding problem, not much will. In turn, there’s plenty of eye candy to go around. Sure, you can hit up Knight’s Pub on a Friday night, but other than the booze, it doesn’t make it any easier to talk to people. So how does one talk to people on a campus full of hang and bangs, hook-ups, and one-night stands?
The best way to meet people isn’t chilling at the bookstore, or hitting student organizations, or asking a fitness attendant how to use a machine at the gym. It’s Tinder. One of our writers went undercover in the Tinderzone to find out exactly what it takes to slide into the DMs at UCF, and she didn’t even leave her house.
The Profile Pictures:
Shortly after swiping right, the Tinderwave of guys outnumbered the cars circling Garage. Like a collection of 90s CD covers, the profile pictures went from cheesy to cringe-worthy. The guys fell into categories of: the dudes who live in Greek Park, the RWC junkies, the outdoorsy/fishermen, the on-campus dwellers, the animal lovers, and the poor souls from Campus Crossings.
For the unfamiliar swiper, expect tons of fish pics — and no, not fish-eye-lenses-cock-shots, but pictures of dudes holding fishes they caught. Why? Maybe it’s their idea of showing their ability to provide, in a Darwinian hunter-gatherer fashion, or maybe they just really want to chicks to fall for the bait. That’s assuming women are attracted by large fish caught on their manly fishing wires, but catching a fish doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be a catch… Best to just assume these boys grew up in Ocala their whole lives and move on.
Between blurry lines of creepy and pathetic, there are some hilarious one liners. Good conversations on Tinder are about as rare as getting a duck during Spirit Splash. The back and forth is a usually painful, but sometimes you walk away with a cute souvenir. If you don’t get a pickup line, a customary dick pic might appear, but those won’t slide into the messages right away, so you’ll be fine.
Luckily a duck fell into the writer’s inbox. Dude’s funny bio is DM material. In fact, his profile was swiped right, and his pickup line did not disappoint. Worthy profiles should earn a tandem kayak date at Lake Claire or at least an ice cream from Twistee Treat.
Pimp Yo Profile:
Sure, swiping through the dudes is about as easy as navigating through the Student Union on Market Wednesday (hint: it’s not), but tailoring your profile is key to weeding out the scrubs. First, spice up your bio. Make it fun, and don’t be too straight forward. People don’t really read it most of the time. Have a wide variety of photos from funny, to hot to normal. Be at least a little real so you don’t get spammed as a bot. And always remember to meet in a public place like the Starbucks or Smoothie King on campus.
Finally, keep in mind that swiping ain’t easy, and STDs are totally a thing in Whorerlando. So don’t super like just anyone, but you know, maybe hit themup for some homecoming events. Who knows, maybe you’ll find love at first swipe and be carried off into the Arboretum sunset on a horse drawn carriage pulled by Knightro. Or you can just collect some wicked pickup lines. Your call.