Top 6 Hookups You’ve Had Thanks to UF Tinder
Valentine’s Day just passed, and we all know there’s nothing more romantic than a P.O.D. V-day care package (condoms included!) and a hot Tinder hookup. But who to choose? This isn’t Nowheresville, Central FL, this is Gainesville and everyone’s game here is strong af. Here are the six hookups you find thanks to UF Tinder.
6.) The Polyamorous Good Life TA:
His bio might read something like this: “Virgo. Earth Lover. Emotionally unavailable. Just bring me tacos.” His pictures are either faceless pics of his not so poppin’ bod or shots of him laying in a hammock and smoking weed in some ~natural locale~ that’s totally not the woods around Lake Alice.
5.) The Student Athlete:
As soon as you spot that blue backpack or sports action shot, you know you’ve got a student athlete on your hands. But don’t get your hopes up: they get really picky. “I once spent two hours swiping just so I could find Canyon Barry,” said UF sophomore Jennifer Hooper. “We didn’t match. I cried.”
4.) The Meme Obsessed Engineering Major:
This one might be your best bet for hooking a sugar daddy. After all, after only a mere five years in school they’ll make more money than you ever will with your TeleCom degree. The only problem? They have some pretty weird fetishes. “One guy I met would only send me pictures of Albert the Alligator. He thought it was funny to make evil Kermit memes out of them. I would try to have a normal conversation, and he would just send me a pictures of that stupid Gator,” said marketing major Meghan Spears. “But whatever. He paid for my spring break cruise if I agreed to be his ‘meme queen’ or whatever. I mean really, it’s a small price to pay if you think about it.”
3.) The Frat Star:
He looks old enough to have three kids in private school, balding, with a beer belly that rivals your dad’s. His bio says something like, “Hit me up if you want to take Yeti butt pics.” His photos are all of him with his ATO letters. He lives his frat, breathes his frat, he is his frat. If he ghosts you afterwards, or you really want to push his buttons, just ask, “Wait, what frat are you in again? Something in, what, lower middle tier, right?” He can’t not respond.
2.) President Fuchs:
We don’t really know who’s behind all these celeb parody accounts, but this one hit a little too close to home. “I honestly only matched with him because I think it would really be great for my GPA,” said Alyson Andersyn. “That’s how it works right? Like he can totally save me from having to stay here, for like six years. Thanks Tinder!”
1.) The Spider Man (Or Guy Who’s Reallyyyy Into Bondage):
You finally think you found the perfect guy—until he brings up bondage in the second message. Sure, the web shooters probably help him outdo Christian Grey any day, but it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. #Itsgreatuf
But no matter who you match with, be proud that your potential hookup attends the best university in Florida. Remember, if you see a ‘Nole, always swipe left.
WATCH: This is the most garbage of memes, hate it before it happens,