Is Cuffing Season at UIUC Over?
Cuffing season has been in full swing since mid-November when the weather dropped to single digits and panties dropped at the thought of Jason from PSYC 201 saying yes to being your barcrawl date. Is Jason old news or is it still time to keep him around as the old ball and chain? This week, two The Black Sheep writers are faced with debating whether to kick out the trash or keep it around for #mems.
Eugenia Belcher: Snow is falling, people are busting their shit slipping on ice, and cuffing season is still in full swing. Living in Illinois, you never know what the weather is going to be. It could be until May before we see the sun and grass again. There’s still plenty of time to lock down a living space heater to keep you warm through these harsh winter nights.
Jungle Fever: If you’re talking about handcuffs, then yeah. Count me in as 50 shades of intrigued. But it’s high time to dump your slam piece that’s as predictable as Florida weather. The weather in Illinois is, as you said, highly unpredictable so you need a space heater some nights, a fan other nights, and a two finger tango on the nights when you can’t find a second body to pick up the slack.
Eugenia Belcher: There’s no need to dump your slam piece until you have your summer body back. We’re all still trying to bounce back from the holiday feasts and the amount of liquor we have to ingest to stay warm. You have someone that doesn’t mind your stomach rolls and five chins, don’t let them go just yet. Get that spring break body and then cast them off. Besides, who said you can’t have a side piece? As long as they don’t know each other and you’re good at balancing your schedule you can have sexy naked time with anyone you want, rolls and all.
Jungle Fever: These rolls are what Spanx were made for. By the time they’ve sucked down enough whiskey Cokes to find you attractive, they aren’t going to care about a little extra cake. Your current special friend already knows what you look like and they’re bound to get bored soon enough. Time to take the plunge and dive into some fresh meat. After Valentine’s Day, they’re not going to show you much attention until your birthday. You might as well cut your losses and find someone new to buy you dinner.
Eugenia Belcher: You shouldn’t throw away a long-term hook-up for fresh meat when you can string your long-term hook-up along. Tell your long-term you want to keep hooking up but you want to be open. Chances are, they’ll agree to this and you’re set for new sex that’ll probably be just okay and old sex that is just alright. Can’t go wrong. Just don’t sleep with anyone your long-term knows.
Jungle Fever: That, truly, is good advice. If they’re not in the same fraternity, there’s a less than 5% chance they talk to each other. Let’s hope your mans is down to clown with you after you’ve done the dirty with Peter, Paul, and Larry. Sounds like the cuffs are getting a little looser if you’re in an open relationship, though. I’d say the season seems to be close to over.
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