8 KU-Inspired Sex Positions for the Jayhawk *In* You

author-pic at University of Kansas  

Have you ever been in the middle of sex and thought to yourself, “this would be so much better if it were thematically related to school?” Of course you have. We all have, because we love this place so damn much we want to think about it while fucking. Here’s a list of eight sex positions and activities inspired by KU.

8.) The Watson Look-Around:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

If you absolutely can’t wait until you get home, duck around the corner, and flip for sentry duty. Engage in your passions while one person peeks around the corner to check for oncoming coworkers, colleagues, students, or nurses.

7.) The Creamy Cheddar Finish:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

To celebrate the greatest item sold in the Underground, there are several creative ways to incorporate the Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wrap. Place it ‘twixt your limbs, and munch on it. Use the various ingredients in foreplay, or try a Creamy Cheddar Finish for a satisfying snack in your day.

6.) Alpine Anal:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

Remember, sex isn’t always easy. If you’ve got an early meeting and no melatonin, place your bed on a steep incline against the wall and engage in the most maddeningly exhausting intercourse since the Europeans discovered America.

5.) Tornado Drill:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

There aren’t many thrills to be had on the plains besides invoking natural disasters. Wait for the inevitable, or be proactive and buy your own tornado siren. Curl up in the basement like your schoolteachers taught you, and begin the breeding plans for the next generation while you still have the time.

4.) The Fiery Wescoe Preacher:

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A spirited bit of role-play is always fun! Have the lady prostrate herself before your rod of office and preach where the sun don’t shine. Alternatively, the man can offer his services to a spicy Episcopalian minister!

3.) Hawk Head:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

Honor the mascot of our university by creating its mating call during foreplay. It’s an interesting sound; sort of a cross between a triggered gag reflex, and a pleasurable moan. Feathers optional, but strongly encouraged.

2.) The Self and Beaty:

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For the kinky and the sports fanatics. Allow the dominating spirit of Self and his team to flow through you as you teach Beaty a valuable lesson, harshly, but affectionately. Remember, no pain no gain.

1.) The Campanile Cumshot:

Image by: Justin Hermstedt

In the world of competitive cumshots, there could be no higher honor. Simply ascend the Campanile (definitely will not trigger any curse that may or may not exist) and have your partner stand below. Ten thousand points for a successful shot, ten million for a hole in one.

There you go! No complaints will be answered regarding an inability to get it up without hearing the mating cry of the Jayhawk.

Drunk people say the darndest things: