6 Best Places to Have Beautiful, Consensual Sex at UMD

author-pic at University of Maryland  

The University of Maryland is the place to let your hormones run rampant. Here at The Black Sheep, we’re here to tell you where exactly you should let those juices flow (pun definitely intended). As a Terp, you must know at least a few places that you can take your lover to for a nice romantic evening. But if you haven’t gotten freaky at these hot spots yet, you’re doing it wrong (literally). Make sure to wear a condom!

6.) Hornbake Plaza Echo Chamber:

Talk about loud acoustics! If you bring your partner here, they will definitely be heard from across campus. Imagine that you’re doing the deed, when all of a sudden, your roommate hears you at the diner and comes and joins. On the way there, they make a few calls and ten more people come. Each person tells ten more people and before you know it, full blown orgy. As an added bonus, the statue of Frederick Douglass will be watching over you all. That’s fuckin’ hot.

5.) South Campus Diner:

Like most Internet users and normal people alike, food is a definite turn-on. Imagine going into the diner, grabbing a quick burger for energy, and getting right back to it. Just how glorious would that be? Unlimited fuel for unlimited humping sounds like a wet dream, or better yet, a wet reality. Just make sure to avoid those creepy ass workers though. We heard they’re real voyeurs.

4.) The Tawes Fountains:

This one requires some creativity, flexibility, and maybe some experience in naked Twister. You’ll need to muster up whatever athleticism you can to get those positions right, but goddamn will it make for an interesting story! So many different angles, so many different options… Just make sure to get it going while the fountain is running for not only added lubrication, but also a free shower to get that sex stank off of you.

3.) The McKeldin Testudo:

The sexiest of all beasts. There’s nothing hotter than a two ton bronze statue of our lord and savior. Maybe you’ve experimented a little bit and rubbed more than just his nose with more than just your hands or maybe you haven’t. Maybe you’ve even tried to search for the hole that they filled with cement or tried to make use of his tail. Regardless, Testudo is definitely one naughty reptile.

2.) The Jim Henson & Kermit Bench:

Muppet? More like fuck it! Literally! What’s more erotic than a bronze statue of a famous puppeteer and his puppet? Nothing. If you and your sex pal integrate neither Jimmy nor Kermit into your sexy time activities, you’re not utilizing the memorial’s full potential. Especially because Jim Henson’s known for shoving his hand up a lot of asses. Trust us, we know from experience.

1.) The Flower M:

There is no better way to show off your school spirit than to bump uglies on the big M in front of the school. Not only is it a place no one would normally imagine boning on, but doing the deed in a bed of flowers is incredibly romantic. Whether it’s with a fellow Terp or someone from a school that doesn’t matter, make sure that anyone coming into campus knows that Maryland is nothing to fuck with (that’s two puns, in case you missed it).

 

What does Trumpcare mean for YOU: