6 Ann Arbor Bars Imagined As Guys You’ve Dated

author-pic at University of Michigan  

Have you ever wondered where Ann Arbor’s bars get their shining personalities? From Cantina to Skeeps, allow The Black Sheep to formally introduce you to the best (and worst) bars of Ann Arbor, imagined as every guy you’ve ever dated: 

6.) Cantina:
The classic immature frat boy that “didn’t believe in labels” and you can’t remember why you were ever with him. I mean, he was kind of grimy and definitely shady.  Just like Cantina, he didn’t really discriminate with his clientele. He’ll hook up with anyone with a pulse and probably slept with half your sorority (when they were freshmen). Also like Cantina, you quickly reached the point where you outgrew him–he was there for a good time, not a long time.

5.) Charley’s:
The nice, mature, respectful guy that comes after Cantina. You realize you’re done with immature fratholes and accidently find the complete opposite: a nice, dependable, normal guy
*shudders.* At first, you think he’s perfect; he can hold a conversation about politics, actually takes you out, and doesn’t take four bong rips a day. Soon, however, you realize that dependable is boring, and there’s no way he can match your level of shit show. He’s one of the few guys that you actually stayed friends with after the hookup, but you usually only hit him up to settle for a good, clean, dependable time.

4.) Garage Bar:
He’s got no taste in music and watches sports 24/7. He overextends himself to all the clubs he’s involved in and is always super busy, but he’s still there for you when you need him. For some reason, he got popular after you already knew him for a year, and it boosted his self esteem so much that lately he’s been kind of stuck up.  You’d drop him because of his ego, but you guys are friends with a lot of the same people, which makes it hard to ghost. At least there’s good food near his apartment (Pizza House, obviously).

3.) Circus:
That artsy emotional dude who has a man bun and tattoos. He constantly uses “hammocking” as a verb, gives you obscure essay recommendations, refers to yoga as “spiritual therapy”, and has mainly vegetables and IPAs in his fridge. He also plays ukulele and his serenades always make you severely uncomfortable. You like his apartment because he always has snacks for munchies (popcorn) and his friends usually bring over beer. Sure he’s a little strange, but you guys always have an interesting time.

2.) Ricks:
The
aloof older hot guy that all your friends were secretly but probably not so secretly checking out. You can’t believe that you’re with him. He played hard to get for so long and gives off the impression that no one is good enough for him. He’s a senior with a job offer, so he’s basically a real person, which both terrifies and impresses you simultaneously. You’ve waited so long to be with an attractive, experienced guy like him, but once it finally happens, you realize that you probably built him up in your head a little bit. And by a little bit, I mean a lot.

1.) Skeeps:
This dude plays with your emotions like you’re his personal game of beer pong. You hate yourself for giving into his games and “wish guys would just be straight up about what they were looking for,” but in reality, the shadier he acts, the more you desperately want him. You start to overthink every text message, Snapchat, and use of punctuation (Why’d he use a period in that message? Is he not into me? What does this mean?). Sometimes he seems so into you, and other times he’s “too busy with school work”?! This guy is just impossible for you to read, and the mystery that surrounds every encounter with him only makes him even more attractive.  

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