8 Glory Holes on MSU’s Campus to Ease Your Spring Semester Stress

author-pic at Michigan State University  


We’ve all got our various syllabi, and we’ve all discovered we have three books to read in the next week – it’s time to get crackin’! So what do we do? Relieve our anxiety by putting our genitalia in various holes across campus. Don’t quite know where to go? We at The Black Sheep got your back!

8.) The Snake at Chipotle:


Are you eager to grab yourself a barbacoa burrito, but find it inaccessible due to the fact that you’ve been in line for an hour and a half? This hidey hole is sure to get your pepper plump while you wait for your Mexican masterpiece! If you ask nicely, the employees will even offer sour cream as lube.

7.) The Weird Art at the Broad:


An interactive piece, this wonky-ass looking glass sloth has a promiscuously-placed portal right in his pooper. Modern art. What else could you expect from Lex Luthor’s hideout?

6.) The Tray Return in Sny-Phi:


They’re super preoccupied with ensuring that you don’t contribute to the monstrous amount of food waste here at MSU, so why not drop your sizable sausage down the return with your tray in order to lessen your load? Whether or not the dish washers will respond properly is up to debate.

5.) A CATA Bus Stop:


The number 1 is running late, and you’re eager to ride something. Might as well ride the precariously-placed hole in that glass box of a bus stop. Just don’t make eye contact – that defeats the purpose.

4.) The Door Between Campus Burger and Jersey Mike’s:


One is a delectable campus staple, and the other is the shit that lives in its broom closet. With funds for the burger bozos running low, they now rely on their new (and only) source of income: creating unity between the two restaurants. You want a #13? I’m looking for a #69, am I right?

3.) Your RA’s Door:


You know your RA is your go-to guy for condoms on campus, but are you willing to give him something in return? He has a lubed-up LifeStyle just waitin’ for ya, but his method of transferring this penis protection is a bit awkward when you look for what’s behind his nametag and you have to slide it off his massive member.

2.) The Rock:


Honestly, what better place is there to put your cock than The Rock? The hole was drilled for those among you who honestly believe your member can make it all the way through. So far, only one person has been able to do so. Who? Well, he’s…

1.) Sparty:


Yes, not only can his strong schlong fit through The Rock, he’s also a glory hole himself! The instant they erected this bronze statue in The Union, it was quite obvious that it wasn’t the only erect thing in the room. Rest your rectum on Sparty’s lap and you’re practically guaranteed to find your phallus fixin’.

Whether it’s giving, taking, or sucking, there’s a multitude of places to release your tension across campus. Just be sure to get those RA condoms beforehand!

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